Bring Me The Hunted Head Of E@L
Recently (like in a 3am phone call the other night) I was asked if I be would interested being considered for a position with a rival company.
A similar role to what I am doing in my current little company (which has sold more ultrasound machines in history than any other company - but that's history), applications and training for all of Asia but answering to a boss in Shanghai (that might or might not tell you which company)...
Merely "All Of Asia"! Practically, that means China, China and again China. Here, I am covering Africa, Middle East, South Asia and Oceania. With the occasional trip to out of the way places like Canada, obviously. And there was a carrot dangled in front of me last night in the Japanese restaurant by the worldwide manager of a big confernce in Marrakesh in 2008. Kool! I wonder if that conference was brought up by coincidence, because I had mentioned about being head-hunted casually the morning after being called. (You like to let them know occasionally that you are wanted out there in the real world and have not been forgotten!) I don't think the mention of freezing in Moscow after a meal was much of a carrot (or beetroot).
But when the phone rang the other morning, I thought I was clear-headed and rational when I immediately said, "No, I'm fine, cruising nicely, thank you."
I had recollected instantly their previous salary offer for the same job when it was available about 4 years ago, a year before I took my current position in Singapore. I do not expect them to even be in the ball-park money-wise today as things have tightened up even more.
What there would be is the typical big-office shit - lots of opportunity for in-house office-political in-fighting and the real chance of morphing into an Asian Psycho, another gweilo farang version of Patrick Bateman-san, fretting and sweating over the shade of white in my business cards and whether I have a Managerial role - at least in the job title on my card - if not in real life, but there'd be no great salary package. They just don't make them anymore, except for the one I've already got for myself.
At the time of that previous offer, when I was working another psycho-multinational disincentivator, I remember asking the head-hunter why I should jump from the frying-pan into the fire...
Silence. Maybe she's left the company now, or gotten over the shock of someone refusing to work for such a good enough company, and that's why they called me again.
Re-thinking about one thing, though: for Asia-wide positions, apparently they are much more flexible about what country I would able to settle and base my mischief.
I could get out of
Fascist Italy 1984's Oceania Singapore.
I could move back to Hong Kong!
I could move to Phuket or Chiang Mai and live like a king (as my current colleague Long-gun does on his one-off package) in the few days per month when I would be home.
I could always call back...
However, this particular company has insane requirements for Six Sigma human resources disincetivatation, quality misdirection, paperwork and activity reports spewing out of its huge, multifaceted, mulitnational psycho-arsehole...
Currently my paperwork requirements are, um, shall we say?... MINIMAL...
I need to work at this salary-level and save for about 5 more years before considering every slackers's dream of an early retirement to work on my best-selling (or not, it won't matter - I'll already be rich) series of expat, murder-mystery, avant-garde, action-adventure, fantasy, political novels.
But can I handle 5 more years of Singapore?
OTHER MONKEYS SAID
please don't leave Singapore, I'd be three departures away from my own if that happened.
you lucky man no one has ever hunted for my head or any other part of me for that matter.
drinks? and a showing of "Happiness" anyone?
I could handle 5 years of Singapore no problem.
I'm used to beating my head against the wall and being frustrated. Shall I send you my card?
Milos and Skip - don't panic I ain't leaving yet.
True, Singapore is a paradise in some superficial, soul-destroyingly banal way. But beneath the surface is this seething evil, a dark pullulating slithery thing of metallic tentacles, an invidious consciousness behind a deeply red all-seeing eye shining in the shadows, something like my father's train set... I dream about it and awake screaming and flailing about: - blog to come...
That last comment hit the spot. I'm going to copy-paste-forward it to people when I find it hard to explain why they shouldn't take up that shiny new SG job offer or, God forbid, build a nest here.
> But can I handle 5 more years of Singapore?
Don't leave. (I'm being selfish.)
But if I should actually be considering your mental and spiritual health, I'd have to say move to Hong Kong or somewhere, anywhere. And buy us a drink on the way out. Just not gin.