Attack of 50ft Zombie Divorcees (Redux)
E@L still needs to catch up on sleep, rest, anti-inflammatories and Zoloft after Saturday night at the BritCham Ball.
Man - it was scary night! E@L was the intended prey of the Three Evil Harpies from hell... Actually he was not really threatened at any stage; his early-warning defense system managed to deflect most of their scanning beams, but there were a quite few dragons circling above... It made him unsettled however and he never really got into the dinner-table conversations.
The night was ripe with Drama...
Aggrieved Young Wife (leans over and whispers harshly to Harpie One): "Give me back my husband's card, now. And remove his number from your phone this instant. Do it. Give me his card, NOW!"
Harpie One (ignores her): "...."
Apparently Harpie One had swooped in and perched her bony butt on Aggrieved Young Wife's table when she wasn't there and then "networked" as many people as hard as she could, grabbing phone numbers and cards from anyone within talon's reach. They gave them just to get her to go away, E@L is certain of that! But AYW's Anti-Adultery-Radar had spotted this incursion from a distance and would not allow H1 to retain such personal and private information.
AYW: "I know you. You'll call at 2 in the morning. I know you. I know your type. You stay away from my husband!"
(First time E@L has ever heard that sentence actually spoken, outside the Hallmark Channel.)
H2 intervened and gently tried to defuse the situation by encouraging H1 to give the card back to AYW, which she reluctantly did, but she memorised the email address and wrote it down on the back of another card, with a quite unsettling Wicked Witch of the West smirk...
What was even more unsettling was that AWY is young, maybe mid-20's, and quite cute. Why AYW would think that any man would be interested in (or capable of) having sex with aged, haggard H1 over her, if she'd shut-up long enough, is beyond E@L .
Terrific drama, hey? Right at E@L's elbow! He's not sure who to sympathise with though... the SUPER annoying and very weird H1, who was so unattractive as to hardly rate as a viable 50ft (and 60+ year old) Zombie Divorcee, or the Nancy-Kissel-in-the-making Aggrieved Young Wife?
Bunny boilers, the lot of them. Forget it.
Women are queer cattle, no doubt about it.
And then someone stupid pommy twat with his bow-tie undone, tryng to look James Bondish, thought E@L was part of a gay couple as his drinking buddy G was wearing a outrageous gold lamé coat!
Temporary 50ft-Zombie-Divorcee induced mysogynism does not mean gay!
Sigh. It was not a successful night in OOOOH so many ways. I really miss the fun people (including the 50ft Zombie Divorcees who at least are amusing and not quite so psychopathological) at the Aussie Ball in Hong Kong.
The only fun part of the evening for E@L was when he set about burning off a quadrillion calories and zillion frustrations on the dance floor. There were SOME ladies worth cavorting with, fortunately! Funny how when E@L gets into the swing of things, the dance floor seems to clear around him... Self-preservation?
The band did a brief Abba set (no, E@L is NOT gay) and an 80's set -- and his feet are still REALLY KILLING him, as is his knee. Not as bad as the guy who really threw a cruciate on the dance-floor though and stopped the entire show with his screaming while the stretcher-bearers came onto the field. Injury time.
They only did two of E@L favorite party songs, but he danced and bopped and swayed for much of the night, until the Stamford ran out of Hooegarden and so, with the 50ft Zombie Divorcees all collapsed drunk and asleep on the floor, alone, safe, undetected, he left...
Here's a meme for you.
You're at dance, at a big party. Name five songs that you cannot sit still when they are playing?
1: New Sensation (even when sober!) - INXS
2: Loveshack (OK, gotta be a bit pissed) - B52s*
3: Play That
Fuckin' Funky Music White-Boy - Wild Cherry*
4: Family Affair (Pattaya 2002) - MJB
5: Would I Lie To You (Sydney 1985) - Eurotrashmics
"Get up and dance! Get up and dance or I'll kill ya! And I got the means!" WZ
* songs played at the ball.
OTHER MONKEYS SAID
if the harpies there are anything like the harpies here..let me guess: skin too taut/botoxed to death, hair like straw from too many bleachings and dressed about 10 years too young for their age...too sad.
music most likely to get savannah on the dance floor:
2. i heard it throught the grapevine...marvin gaye
3. i feel for you...chaka khan
4. i like the way you move...outkast
5. macarena (only if i'm drunk)
This lot were dressed about 20-30 years too young.
Someone says that harpies turn to sirens with the beer goggles. Not this lot, they produced optical abberations which negated the effect of beers goggles.
i was being southern...but yeah, figured as much..some things are the same all over...