Just ruminating on some blog entries I never got around to writing...
1: The one about how because my father died when I was a baby I have never been able to thread the nylon string into a whipper-snipper thingie. (OK, he died before they were invented but it would still have been his responsibility to teach me!)
2: The one about how many freaking tablets and creams I have to swallow or rub on each day just to negate the positive pain of existence and stay neutrally numb and healthoid. ("Satisfaction consists in freedom from pain, which is the positive element of life." Arthur Schopenhauer) I might do that one in a minute as the ante has upped in the last day or two.
3: The guy in the bar in Thailand I played pool with who said he could pick up any chick in the Hard Rock Cafe. They crave The Cock! he said, doing a Tom Cruise in Magnolia impersonation. They're hookers, I said. No they're not, he said. Why did she ask for Bht4,000 to go home with you then?
4: The girl in the bar in Thailand I played pool with, gambling BJs, only to discover she had a dick bigger than
mine the guy's above. (I'm guessing, I never saw either of their dicks! I ran away from this one!) And it was lucky I won, eh?
5: I was accused of having Xanthopyrexia (Yellow Fever) recently. I deny that. I've NEVER had a Chinese or Thai or anything Asian girlfriend. How could she say that? In fact, I've not had a girlfriend at all this century... I'm going to explain why in more detail one day. And no, I am NOT gay. (Hint: it's to do with a) being unattractive to attractive women and b) never going out where attractive women can see me because of the risk of those concomittant 50' Zombie Divorcees - of any hue - who hang around with attractive women the way stingrays hang near sharks.)
6: The trouble I have had trying to record my guitar playing on the computer.
7: What I do all day at work. (Hint: you're reading this aren't you?)
8: How many useless sets of earphones I have.
OTHER MONKEYS SAID
But if you don't distract the 50' Zombie Divorcees how am I ever going to get close to the attractive women ~grin~
And unless you are making a veiled Steve Irwin comment don;t you mean remoras?
Not so veiled...