Prick Of A Day
E@L had a prick of a day. How was yours?
a) Returning from Chennai, the flight gets in at about 6am. Once again E@L pulls a taxi-driver with narcolepsy. The dawn arrival is a seriously dangerous time to get into a taxi. The drivers have been on all night and are just trying to get through to 8am to finish their shift. Bastards.
E@L was himself asleep in the back, lulled by the constant pingedy-ping of the speed-limit warning, when a sudden jerk woke him - the driver had caught himself drifting into the median strip just in time to avoid hitting the barrier. This woke E@L pretty damn quick. He watched in the rear-view mirror to catch the eyes of the driver, and sure enough, within a minute, they were starting to droop again.
"HEY!" yells E@L ...
"You better wake the fuck up! You'd better not fall asleep on MY ride." E@L gives him a real hard jab in the shoulder - whack - "You kill me and I'll haunt your family forever! I'm watching you," he says, getting the driver's attention in the mirror.
The driver luckily DOES NOT have narcolepsy as such an emotional jolt would surely send him into paralysis - instead he says, "OK, OK, awake!" And gets E@L home in one piece after all...
This is the second time this has happened on a return from Chennai. Be a bit ironic to survive the mayhem of Chennai traffic, which is a perfect illustration of chaos theory, only to lose it on the PIE.
E@L could have ended like this guy - WARNING - kids, do not try this at home..
b) E@L goes shopping for essentials - like bog-roll paper and Vegemite which is back in town finally but only in either the outrageously expensive and difficult-to-judge-the-amount squeeze tube "travel-pack" or in the super large 2 years supply jar.
And as he negotiates the full trolley around to the taxi-stand at Tanglin Mall, E@L repeats the trolley v little-toe carnage of the other week... YEEOWWW!
"Shopping trolleys are out to get me," claims an outraged E@L, literally hopping mad.
He glares frightfully at this young married German dude who gets out the taxi which E@L has queued for nursing his bloody toe. Why? When he has removed his baby carriage from the trunk, hubby slams it shut, just as E@L approaches laden with his eight shopping bags and a blood-slippery flip-flop. Thanks afor nothing, rude dude! The German dude's wife sees this (the glare!) and gives her ehemann a blasting for being a totally uncool dude. The taxi-driver clicks open the trunk again from his button inside. E@L limps past the Germans, still glaring at hubby, taking back his empty trolley for the $1 refund. A Singaporean man who saw E@L crunch his toe, has darted inside the MAll and returned to offers a box of tissues to mop up the blood on his foot. "Thanks be to you, dude!" says E@L . (Yes, E@L has been watching Big Lebowski.)
It doesn't look so bad now, eh?
Who said Singaporeans are rude and Europenis's not? Readers Digest is who. And E@L always used to mock people who sourced their information and opinions from this fascist rag... OK, he still does, and he really Really REALLY doubts the power of this survey [3 x 20 tests in the sample of various New York Starbucks] to determine if the null hypothesis is true or not.
c) E@L arrives home from shopping to find the maid still there, battling a rising tide of water exploding from all sides in the kitchen; it's like a scene from Das Boot - klaxons, damage reports coming in fast, water spurting from the seams, chaos...
Hot water is pissing out of the ceiling non-stop down into the cupboards, through the light fittings, it is a mess. And it has been doing this for over an hour says the maid. Is it from the apartment upstairs? Did they overflow the sink, like, REALLY BADLY? Hell, no-one lives there! E@L, always the handyman, always cool in a crisis, runs (limps) to the apartment management office to get them to call for the SAS, Police, Fire Department, Water Department, anybody.
The manager is on his last day at work as he is going in for a kidney transplant tomorrow and is looking quite cyclosporin puffy around the gills already. He comes to the apartment slowly, he's not panicing over something as minor as a flooded kitchen (the dude's kidneys don't work!), and figures straight-away what has happened. "It is the hot-water service."
He climbs up on the ladder, removes the false roof section and reaches up turn off the water supply to the heater, suspended in the ceiling space. E@L was just about to do that.
"There you go." he says. "Get your plumber in soon, right?"
"Right! Thanks. Good luck with the operation. Be ...[thinks: not praying for you, am atheist]... thinking of you."
d) Email to the Ex to see if she can pick up some tickets for the hottest show in London, Tom Stoppard's Rock'n'Roll, which stars Brian Cox (the father in "Ring"), Rufus Sewell and Sinead Cusack.
Ah, damn and blast. All sold out.
But thanks for trying, Ex. She's not a bad old stick sometimes.
Now Urgent Decision: call pay-per-view to watch Australia v Croatia, or get some much needed sleep? Chances are both will happen and E@L will sleep through the match.
OTHER MONKEYS SAID
The toe looks terrifying. What about a toe cap for your sandals?
What about never going shopping again?
My day was splendid, thanks for asking.