Beer Farts Are Major Factor In Hong Kong Pollution


Dark Cloud of Beer Fart Miasma Hovering Over Bonham Rd This Morning

Well they certainly have been a major cause of severe foul air in the immediate vicinity of E@L's arse over the last few mornings... (Where's the thesaurus?) A mephitic miasma of putrescent noisome stench has been lifting the doona to the ceiling - phew - open them windows!

And you need to know this because...?

Because the 7's are over, that's why. Some small island off the East coast of Ireland won, but E@L was already on the plane back to Singapore.

So that was a 4am Thursday night, 5am or so Friday night, god only knows when Saturday night (but before sunrise) - sorry, troops no more all-nighters for this rapidly ageing body.

All with copious amounts of beer... And the crap food at the HK Stadium didn't help.

You know that pre-fart feeling, the all-over clamminess, that bead of sweat on the upper-lip, the sigmoidal spasms grabbing your breath. You go just a little dizzy. You know you can't hold on. And there's no avoiding it with beer-farts - they TRUMPET! There nothing you can do, there's nowhere you can hide, you can't anonymize a beer-fart, they come out with the force of a Chevy short-block 327 rigged up to an air-raid siren...

All through Saturday in the South Stand, and probably today, hungover guys out on the piss again, some vaguely aware that their country was actually playing in this match, were dropping their guts in abandon. No chance to leave their seats, no time to queue up and discharge in a vomitous cubicle, no you just have to let it rip. What the heck, it's only a fart, what harm can it do? And then for some reason all of your mates are punching you, pouring beer on you, calling you all sorts of names: "stinky bottom", "farty pants", "disgusting cunt"....


And, quelle embarrassment! - the farts on the flight home were particularly nasty. Just want to apologize to all the travellers and crew on CX711 - E@L is really sorry. Really REALLY sorry. Sorry from the heart of my bottom.



Posted by: expat@large on Apr 02, 06 | 9:56 pm | Profile

OTHER MONKEYS SAID's an attrocity. You ever suffered from this on visits to Indo?? Funny how the haze always comes when you're away mate. Never really bought that whole thing about illegal logging. I suspect logging of a very different nature.

Posted by: TheOriginalTrousersnake on Apr 03, 06 | 11:14 pm

No mate, don't blame me for Indo - beer is illegal in Muslim countries, surely.

Posted by: expat@large on Apr 04, 06 | 12:02 am

No It has to be with the tropical and northern winds approaching and colliding with air pollution. For I first time I entered one of these booming China cities, few days after I had a sore throat. There should be worse air pollution in US cities, but you dont get sick.

Posted by: north on Apr 06, 06 | 6:45 am

Seriously, you don't think it was my beer farts?

Posted by: expat@large on Apr 07, 06 | 12:01 am


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