Office Window Intrigue.
Some of you might remember that E@L scored a really nifty office at HFC (exWTC) last year when his company moved from Bukit-Timah Rd. He has a terrific view of Sentosa Island, Keppel Bay Marina construction site, the cable-car, the passenger terminal - coincidentally, here comes the (super)Star Viagra up the straits now... [Aside: Shit, better hurry and get my taxi to the dentist (another story) before all the gamblers and hookers get through customs.]
This arrangement has been working fine as there are only five people in his company: the other three guys have offices with windows as well; the secretary, well, she's just a secretary/office manager so she gets what she's given. Even though E@L travels, what? 60-70%, he knows that his office with its great view is patiently waiting for him.
HOWEVER: the cat is pissing on the carpet, the dog has gotten all jumpy, the canary has died of stress...
There is a new person in the office!
In a dramatic expansion, indicative of roaring success since E@L
rescued joined the team, we have boosted our personnel by a whopping 20%. There is a new Regional Sales Manager in town. And he has been placed in one of the remaining offices, one WITHOUT a window view.
So, already, on Day One, he came in to "chew the rag" with E@L, a cup of coffee in hand, looking casual, relaxed. He stood facing out the window for several seconds before he off-handedly asked...
"How much do you travel, E@L?"
Instantly a sheen of sweat appeared on E@L's brow as his bowels internally spasmed and relaxed, his bladder tightened, his cremaster responded...
Look to your back E@L!
You don't need to be a clairvoyant to read this guy's mind!
E@L has called for a locksmith to come up and change the keys to his office, PRONTO!
Joke just came in via email:
Here is a riddle for the true intellectual . . . Try to come up with the answer on your own... the answer is at the end (MORE... WARNING may not be work-friendly) for those who are unable to think this one through !
At the exact same time, there are two young men on opposite sides of the earth:
One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers, the other is getting a bl*w job from an 85 year old woman.
They are both thinking the exact same thing.
What are they both thinking?
Don't look down!
OTHER MONKEYS SAID
hahahahahhah! clearly I'm no intellectual
window intrigue...changing the locks won't work. Send your staff away on the Superstar VIagra then take him down into the car park and shoot him. It's the only way. The surviving staff members won't bring it up again. They will be too grateful to be back from that overpriced, floating Guantanamo....how about that tongue technique....it's as though she's transported....mid liquid lunch to pub grub heaven....lovely sausage....do you want beans with that dear...angelic barmaid....
Wouldn't care to shoot this guy straight off as he is the only other one in the office who plays golf. Need to suss this out.
And as it is a mandatory death penalty for discharging a firearm in Singapore, or so I am told, I'd have to be certain of killing him rather than just scaring or injuring him, to make it worth the punishment.
But as I am already about to be hanged for poppy seed infractions, why dither? Send me a clean .48 in the post. Don't forget the "sender's name and address"...
I have an Israel Industries Desert Eagle Auto Magnum with the fifteen round clip (hollow point naturally) will that do instead? It's ok I machined off the serial number after we had some disciplinary issues of our own over here.
Golf huh? that certainly changes things but he is after your window so maybe it's legal?
After posting I realised there was a typo: I meant to type .38 (snub nose, like Bogart always carried) not .48 - no such thing.
After a hit, I usualy scrape a few very coarse steel brushes down the barrell to fuck up the ballistics tests should they ever get suspicious... Is that OK with you for the Desert Eagle? Reduces the accuracy at over 30 feet, but I'm a metal to the scalp sort of guy anyway... Cautious. I like to be certain.
There is a lot of comfort knowing that the 85 year old has no teeth and therefore at best is only giving a gummy.
In the words of the tight rope walker falling off "It's allover in 3 seconds anyway"