Discipline The Schnitzel

E@L went shopping at Tang's 20% off sale for a set of scales. Naturally the impulsive yet discerning buyer within him chose everything that wasn't on special...

Apart from the scales...


about which further on the Large@Medium blog, E@L also popped his eyes on some cool-looking non-internationally branded salt and pepper mills - thinking about his traumatizing S&P shaker experience in Dubai - and a meat tenderiser with which to discipline the veal for tonight's repast.


While E@L was signing this month's salary away on his Molybdenum Amex, out of the corner of his eye he spied the wrapping-wench proceeding to place this HEAVY METAL meat tenderiser with SHARP BITS AND EDGES into the same bag as the English-made BEECH and EBONY fucking seasoning grinders!

Hey, elderly should-know-better wrapping-wench, what the fuck do you think you're DOING?

E@L asked her to consider what she was up to, did she think it was a good idea to place a lump of sharp metal *unprotected* in the same bag with smoothly polished expensive wood? She smiled vacantly with the lobotimised look of a dumb cow, undid the package and then her and another wrapping-wench proceeded to do what any sensible person would have done in the first instance - cover each piece indidivually in scads of protective paper.

Sheesh! E@L would have liked to use the meat tenderiser on her dumbass brain, but he'd be afraid of getting mad-stupid-bitch-cow disease!


There will come a day when the stupidity of the human race, individually and collectively, will cease to amaze, astound, annoy and dumbfound.

That is the day E@L will cease blogging.


Note the P and S on top of the mills. Unlike the blank Peugeot ones from Dubai, these markings serve to identify the contents, and also the color is a perfect clue as well.

But, aha, those letters were the other way around when E@L bought them. But obviously, and as you would too, he considered that pepper should be in the ebony one and salt in the beech one. Not available. Hmm. So he took these anyway and cunningly undid all the parts and exchanged the internal mechanisms at home. The salt grinder gears are merely plastic, while the pepper mill is made of some moulded metal or other.

Neat. Nice. Now all he needs is some guests over to impress. It's all about approval, you see.


(Fuck me, two typos in the fucking Title line, not noticed until posted for 5 minutes.)


Posted by: expat@large on Feb 01, 06 | 4:20 pm | Profile


You should have just let her pack everything together, and then insist that she scratched them and you want another item. That's the only way she'll ever get it. You would have helped her progress to another level.

Posted by: Smootie on Feb 02, 06 | 10:36 am

want them S&P pretti things. invite us then. we should be back early december. alternatively, smoot, if you get there 1st, nick them for me, woncha? reward with lion dance. also, just wanted to say - completely empathise with u re. those stuuup shop assistants. just like those taxi/bus drivers. grrr.

Posted by: gremlin on Feb 02, 06 | 2:11 pm

Reminder to self: no more dinner parties, too high risk for robbery...

Gremlin: please send photos/video of lion dance...

Posted by: expat@large on Feb 02, 06 | 2:34 pm

Gawd I hate being intimidated by inanimate objects, I want to destroy that scale, it's an ugly one.

Posted by: Tom on Feb 04, 06 | 5:59 am

ho ho, not robbery, just good ole friendly-type after dinner nicking, not scary type lah. you won't even realise it, trust me. check out www.gremlink.blogspot.com for pics of my Man and his lion dancing. will find a way of gettin vidz to you if possible.

Posted by: gremlin on Feb 07, 06 | 6:58 am


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