Fear and Self-Loathing In Phuket

OK, OK I know that lately I sound like a total misanthropist, and that in the blogs I post from Thailand I generally alienate all my (occassional) female readers, but what can I do? I have no imagination. I can only observe and report my reactions.


The Prototypical Body-Shape Triad of sex-crazed pigs, such as E@L, is fat, balding and old according to no less an authority than everyone you've ever met.

The basic problem seems to be that FBO men are aesthetically unsuited for the girls they take home. In the eye of the beholder that is. Often that eye belong to some pasty, puddeny western girl who has been dumped by her boyfriend in favour of some firmer, more docile, younger Asian flesh and who now wanders around the bars of expatdom seeking attention, seeking justification, like a lost soul.

They are the White Zombie Women of Asia...

Not even FBO's want to screw them, should they get so desperate as to ask...


But I don't believe it! You're saying that your main objection to an FBO being with a Thai hooker is that THEY DON'T LOOK RIGHT TOGETHER?

So they are mismatched in your aesthetic, like sex is some sort of Mr PotatoHead Game where you hold the rule book, the list of acceptable matches, the combinations?

No I won't have it. You really diapprove of FBO's having sex at all. You hate what you will become. FBOs shouldn't have these desires at all, they should hide away where the beautiful people who come to Thailand for the trinkets and not-so-cheap beach-towels can't see them. Thailand is for your youthful sybratism, not for their aged hedonism. You don't want to grow old, to see yourself in 30 years as one of them. But you will.

Of course the simple reason that FBOs go to girly-bars is because they ARE fat, bald, old... and lonely.

And duh, these girls ARE GORGEOUS. Which is why the girly-bars are in fact loaded with SYBs (slim young bastards) having dumped their fat cow of whingeing girlfriend back in Bangkok are now also trying to pick up the most stunning Thai hooker they can find...

But don't forget...


The Target Demographic.

So - yes fat men need sex; yes, bald men need sex; yes old men buy Viagra and want sex...

So - no, FBOs DON'T believe that their girl really loves them (or they should have their head read if they do...)

So - hey, all you SYBs, all you young, good looking people!

Get the fuck out of our brothel!


FBO No1: My wife died of ovarian cancer three years ago - she was ill a long time - and now my heart is on its last legs. I'd like to have some fun before I go. She would understand, she loved sex, she was great, very adventurous...

FBO No2: I've been divorced for twenty years, brought up my family by myself. Now they've flown the coop and never call. Hell, I've worked hard, I need a holiday [a massage, a tuk-tuk, a suit...].

FBO No3: My ex-wife left me for my best-friend then took my house and the kids. I have cancer, in the gut, only a few months to live myself, but I love it here. I can forget for a while.

FBO No4: I haven't had sex with my wife since ten years. She hates me, hates my body. She is no good looking neither, ja, haha. We sleep apart. I only have the sex when I am here for the holiday, one time two times.




Posted by: expat@large on Dec 31, 05 | 3:08 pm | Profile


lolz .. happy new year Mr E@L aka bumble bee aka phil ... enjoy ye good fbo self

Posted by: XenoBoy on Dec 31, 05 | 5:16 pm

come home soon, my cuddly misanthropist...

Posted by: MercerMachine on Dec 31, 05 | 6:14 pm

Someone should teach the lonely FBOs how to Google for "chub chasers".

Posted by: chlim01 on Dec 31, 05 | 8:08 pm

"chub chasers" LOL!!!

My question to Alvin: "Why do YOU know this?"

10 more days of this...

New Years Eve was noisy, smelly, outrageous fun. Lines of firecrackers going off incessantly in the street, the acrid phosphorus(?) fumes burning my lungs as I danced through the tiny explosions all about my chubby legs...

Pissed again, naturlich...

Posted by: expat@large on Jan 01, 06 | 2:22 pm

One of my friends used to believe she would always remain a spinster because she is, as she used to describe herself, "short, fat and ugly."

Fortunately she managed to find herself a chub chaser and now they're happily married!

Posted by: chlim01 on Jan 01, 06 | 2:27 pm

And the best of good luck to them!

E@L is looking for an Anna Kournikova who is also a chub-chaser! LOL!

Posted by: expat@large on Jan 01, 06 | 4:03 pm

There's always hope; after all some of the world's hottest women are chub chasers e.g. Celine Dion, Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Posted by: chlim01 on Jan 01, 06 | 4:09 pm

Celine Dion, Catherine Zeta-Jones - YUCK!

E@L knew one trim young girl in Oz whose favorite rock-singer was Meatloaf! Yeah Baby! but he was too scared to chase it up in those days...

& he forget to mention that his Anna K has to be of a naturally dark complexion...

Posted by: expat@large on Jan 01, 06 | 6:29 pm


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