Big Tuesday

E@L was chatting with Bruce today, over Lite Double Lattes Grandes at that apotheosis of the coffee peddlar, Seattle's finest sons, Starfuckers, around mid-afternoon - when Bruce had seemingly just awoken. Bruce, you will remember (if you could digest the dense prose), is the actual protagonist in all of the evil stories of dastardly deeds that E@L never actually does, dirt cheap or otherwise, but merely blogs about...

Bruce had apparantly had a Big One (TM) last night. He was out with some banker-wankers and had to suffer their predictable taste in carousing salons and prediliction for the suffumigation of all environs with the smoulderings of the folded dried leaves of some varieties of the nicotina tobacum plant.

Naturally, the evening devolved to that second home for all such sophisticated expatriate executives of our existential financial institutions, the 4FoW.

It was packed densely with mid-week punters. Some strangley curvaceous Venezualan honey was pinching his prodigious bum all night, but Bruce tells E@L that he chose instead a particulalry insistent young Vietnamese take-out. He arose late this morning to the vision splendid of his darling-de-nuit, naked, entirely unspoilt by wrinkles, adipose tissue, blemishes, cellulite, age or modesty, combing her long black hair before the window. He claimed that his heart nearly faltered at the perfection on display. It didn't take an artist to appreciate, says Bruce. Subsequently, after an ex gratia iteration of the earlier morning's entertainment, he lovingly bundled her into a taxi with a disappointingly small (for her) fold of bills to see her home (to Ho Chi Minh City on Sunday.)

But back to our discussion of the sociology on the evening's socialisation. What Bruce found most interesting, as in sad, was the incredible of number of guys out in Ipanema's at 2am on a school night.

"It was seething with boys full of eager testosterone and overdeveloped women from underdeveloped countries bursting with unfinanced oestrogen. Sad really," he said.

"What you would have found saddest of all, had you any capacity for self-analysis, was that you were out amongst them," criticised E@L in a huff.

"Not at all," rejoindered Bruce, not taken aback at this rudeness at all. For this exact issue had indeed been one of the topics of conversation amongst the elite party on the previous cigar-smoke-reeking evening.

It was unanimously concluded that this most primitive form of capitalism is the most certain way of ensuring charitable donations reach their intended recipients - the triads. And without pollution or damage to the environment, whilst extremely advantageous to the overall transfer of money within the economy (particularly within the micro-economy of the Immigration Department) - a good No-Smoke Industry this Assisted Ejaculation Industry. [Such an observation was repeated by E@L's taxi-driver almost verbatim this afternoon!]

By underpaying the prostitutes, ensuring that their debts to the snake-heads would never be repaid, they were encouraging full employment. Something like this was no doubt the stimulus for the Australian Government's proposed workplace reforms as well. One wonders if on his most recent trip to Singapore, pleading that a maternal hug be granted for Nguyen Van in lieu of survival beyond 26 years of age (a suitable trade, surely), little Johnny Howard may have made a surreptitious trip to the 2nd floor of OT to see how such policy reforms could work in action.

To watch people negotiating their own verbal (hence recindable) contracts - payment, priveleges and hours of work - must have been an uplifting epiphany to him. As was that pinch on the bum he got from some Venezualan bimbo.

"And for a more local reference," continued Bruce, "the boys last night were merely following the example set by the Singaporean Gahmen in its nefarious enlightened dealings with the heroin-beriched military junta who are the despots Government of Myanmar (situated somewhere in the hills thereof.)

"The idea that ostracism has any effect on reforming bad guys is sooooo old hat. You must encourage them, foster their interests and build their networking amongst potential dupes Johns customers. Firstly prostitution, but better is to come with casinos and "legal" gambling. The sky's the limit.

"For verily, that is the sure way to democratic reform - something the Singaporean Gahmen has read about once, a long time ago, in a certain set of books by Plato."

"Ah, mate," sighs E@L, "that is a masterpiece of Expat logic. Bruce, no wonder your philosophical rationalisations are legendary... Drink up, I've gotta get back to the office."



Posted by: expat@large on Nov 30, 05 | 7:31 pm | Profile


uh, is it me or has your blog suddenly got some self-editing issues?

Posted by: MercerMachine on Nov 30, 05 | 8:40 pm

Come back in 5. I'm in the middle of posting and re-editing. I can't proof-read from my text editor, it doesn't show html.


Posted by: expat@large on Nov 30, 05 | 8:58 pm

Or typos, or bad prose, or the jokes.


Posted by: expat@large on Nov 30, 05 | 8:59 pm

which I think of just after I press "update" or "submit"...

Posted by: expat@large on Nov 30, 05 | 9:00 pm


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