Anticipating New Year's Resolutions

Something ScrewySceptic said about making the same New Year's Resolutions (NYR) for the last 3 decades reminded E@L that he has yet to complete any of his for the last 6 decades. OK, not true: he never made any NYR in the 50's although, shudder to think kiddies, he was alive in that vital decade, albeit mewling and puking in his mothers arms for most of it.

E@L's NYR have centered around the usual shite:

- lose weight,
- stop masturbating whilst on public transport,
- eat less human flesh,
- beat the record of 4 hookers in one night,
- don't be so seditious sarcastic,
- convert more people to fundamentalist atheism,
- be nicer to elephants, police and other large unpredictable animals,
- solve world poverty starting at home,
- turn the light off when leaving the bathroom...

You know, the run-of-the-mill stuff that everyone puts on their list. [RUN-of-the-MILL? WTF does that REALLY mean?]

What about next year? Let's think a while.

Other failed NYR include those designed to help him develop deep and serious relationships with the female ladies of the opposite sex that will involve a cascade of blowjobs by a continuum of adoring and not-overly-large-breasted lovers. To this end he has tried on alternative years:

- no more Mr Nice-guy.
- no more playing hard-to-get
- no more CHARISMA VISA cards - too easy to add up the annual expenses and that's depressing

Only the last one was anywhere near successful.

E@L really doesn't have much of a social life here in Singapore. That is the, that is his problem. He just can't get enthused about the place enough to actually go out and enjoy himself here. If he goes out, he rarely enjoys it.

Many of the things that have pissed him off totally in the last 18 months he has gradually (more or less) resigned himself to accepting. The relentlessly humid weather. The people standing still on the travellators (or whatever you want to call them). The people pushing in on the lifts and train doors when you want to get out. The people in Boat Quay standing in his path to drag him into to their Health-Risk Def-Con 4, sub-standard, over-priced "restaurants". Aunties with trollies in supermarkets. The people. Taxicab drivers. The Gahmen. (Well, he has temporarily resigned himself to accepting them for the purposes of this post).

But one thing he hasn't accepted is his atrocious night-life. He only knows married people. He just doesn't know any single guys who'll goes out partying like they do in Hong Kong. He doesn't know where they'd go if they did. There is no equivalent of Lan Kwai Fong, where a critical mass of revelers on any Friday night can turn Stormies and Hardies into the crush to be seen you'd expect at opening night at Cannes. There is no equivalent of Wanchai, with it's neon-rich heady mix of seediness and sophistication, modernity and ancient malevolence.

Mohammed Sultan? Four artificial bars with artificial ambience and no genuine buzz. The Quays? Don't make me laugh again, I have a cup of hot coffee here... The 4FoW? All hookers, unlike the bars at Wanchai where a healthy percentage are genuine maids out for a shag, preferring to be seduced with words and a pleasant attitude rather than merely waving the Charisma Card.

Someone said as we were walking into Holland Village; "So, this is the Singapore equivalent of The Fong." E@L literally burst out laughing. "That's like finding a croissant that looks like Jesus and proclaiming you've witnessed the Second Coming!" he replied - quoting someone or other.

OK, such talk is pointless, E@L! You are living in Singapore; make the most of it. Sit in IceBar or what ever it's called in Circular Rd as long as you can, drink your frozen vodka all by yourself, read your anti-social books and shut the fuck up.

2006 NYR 1: stop comparing Singapore with Hong Kong.
2006 NYR 2: go out on Saturday nights instead of blogging about golf discounts

But E@L doesn't have to implement them for 4 weeks yet. So, today: full-price golf in JB... Try to break 90. How's that for a resolution?

E@L

MORE...


Posted by: expat@large on Nov 27, 05 | 10:49 am | Profile


OTHER MONKEYS SAID



so this saturday? or do you have to wait 'til next year?


Posted by: MercerMachine on Nov 28, 05 | 5:47 pm

Sounds reasonable. Sounds brilliant, in fact! Take me somewhere nice and romantic...


Posted by: expat@large on Nov 28, 05 | 6:34 pm

yes dear. just don't tell my wife.


Posted by: MercerMachine on Nov 28, 05 | 6:55 pm


THIS MONKEY SAYS




Notify me when someone replies to this post?
Submit the word you see below:




Powered by pMachine