Train Door Rage

E@L was attempting to exit the train at Doby Gillis MTR yestern-eve and was confronted by the usual seemingly immovable wall of indifferent vacant-faced people. In these situations E@L is typically wont to do one of three things.

1) Fix elbows and barge through, yelling "Get out of the way you fucking barbarians!" as the crowds fly off him like the assailants in a scene from SinCity. So often has E@L been doing this of late that he now can discriminate without looking, over the roar of the air-conditioners, the various sounds of broken bones emanating from the body parts of those thus flung: the soft moist crumple of a young child's greenstick fracture as his/her radius and ulna fold alarmingly but rather benignly for the fresh young periosteum remains intact, the dry crumble like a chocolate-honeycomb bar crushed in your teeth as an aged aunty's osteoporotic neck of femur dissipates into a few ragged splinters and a puff of dust within her acetabulum, the rude crack and the screams of pain and horror that a compound fracture of the shin drives from the throats of those who either receive the injury or merely witness the blood-drenched scene when livid shards of vivid red tibia piercing the skin ooze greasy, bloody, marrow onto the floor of the MTR.

2) Stand there blocking the entrance until the buzzer goes, warning that door closure is imminent, then continues with option 1), therefore adding the insult of everyone missing the train to the range of injuries described above.

3) As happened last night, crumple into psychological mess, fall to the floor in the doorway, not minding the gap at all, weeping, gnashing teeth, crying aloud to the heavens; "What more do want of me O Lord? Have I not suffered enough to sate thy thirst for revenge? Lord, look upon your most despicable servant, brought verily unto the lowest city-state of abjection, and take pity! Take pity Lord! Look into your heart! Look into your HHHEEEAAAAAARRRRTTTT!" All the while blocking the entrance to the carriage so that the barbarian fuckers miss their train again.



Posted by: expat@large on Nov 14, 05 | 1:09 pm | Profile


"All the while blocking the entrance to the carriage so that the barbarian fuckers miss their train again"

Um, how do you know they fuck barbarians? :)

Posted by: MercerMachine on Nov 14, 05 | 7:56 pm

Sir, you are confusing "barbarian fuckers" with "barbarian-fuckers"; a common enough mistake amongst those for whom English is a second language such as, for a randomly chosen example, Texans.

These people are fuckers, and they are barbarians, so unless they practice miscegenation routinely (like, until they get it right), they are most likely fucking barbarians - even as we speak! And so what? for even if they don't (or aren't), they are still fucking barbarian fuckers. Unambiguously.

Right up the with fucking barbarians who stand still or - worse - WALK SLOWLY on the travellators in Doby Gillis MTR and at the Airport.


(Please do not show this post to my anger managemnt therapist, she would get SO disheartened.)

Posted by: expat@large on Nov 14, 05 | 8:41 pm

oh. in texas we would say 'barbarain fucks'. but i must say it wouly be easier to fuck barbarians who were standing still rather than walking (albiet slowly). and dammit, they're not 'travellators'. they're 'slidewalks'. can't call it a travellator when you call elevators 'lifts'. it smacks of, uh, something. but yah, i like the electric barriers idea.

Posted by: MercerMachine on Nov 14, 05 | 10:25 pm

"Slidewalks"??? SLIDEwalks? WTF?! Never heard such shit in all my born days! (apart from in all of my posts of course)

Posted by: expat@large on Nov 14, 05 | 10:30 pm


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