Big Party!

Damn, some other group had taken over Breeze last night, but it wasn't very breezy up there anyway.

So, Bold the Scarlet Hotel Lobby Bar it was, and that was still a nice place to um, shoot the breeze...

Big crowd! Wow! E@L, MercerMachine and Mainbabe.

Well, it's a 50% advance on last time. MM suggested T-shirts with indicators of how many of these piss-ups you've been to. Three for him (he was by himself the first time), two for E@L who turned up at Hideout for last drinks after MM's last job, and one for Mainbabe.

Mainbabe took some photos last night, maybe they'll be on her blog later and E@L'll copy them across.


But big point of the evening (for E@L) was when everybody confirmed he has a threatening,intimidating physical presence! Sigh. He always pictures hisself as more the big, benign, cuddly toy. But no.

MM: Maybe some people would think twice about getting in a lift with you... (?)
Mainbabe: You should maybe cut your beard. (It's a goatee and a moustache, and the moustache has been there since 1978.)
Hami (the oh so cute waitress): You should smile more. (E@L smiles!) No, not like that!

Sigh again.

Now, E@L thinks back, when he was taking a seat at the recent SWF, Mr Brown made some quiet comment from the stage about "Here's The Big Guy, everyone's frightened of him..." or something. Now Mr Brown was joking of course but it seems people ARE taken aback. His sister says he has "charisma"... But in South Africa, people looked at him because he was so SMALL...


Is it a shame how our physical presence can mask our true personality and achievements from other people. We spent our lives trying to make sure people's impressions of us are right, but if we are noticably small or large, tall or short, graceful or lumbering then these physical things can create such an impression that it is hard to overcome the prejudices and stereotypes they entail. We are allocated a space in someone's mental pigeon-holing scheme and we may never get out of there.

We think we are being subtle, witty and charming, and they are thinking, "This fat guy's still a smart-arse."

E@L somehow grew up with a strict Descartian view of the world. The physical dimensions and quotidia were for the body; eternal metaphysical stuff was the domain of the mind. He can remember the time when this idea clicked into his thought process. He made the decision that the mind was more important, that was so obvious a choice. He ignored his body, it was much less important in REAL terms, terms of mental achievement.

Writing great books, making monumental scientific discoveries, solving the world's problems - these were metaphysical objectives that needed mental training and profound intellectual rigour. These were the things that matter, that transcend time, that are evidence of the spirit of man.

Eventually he realized that he was far too thick-headed and lazy to achieve any of these grands objectives, but it was too late for his body; it had slipped away from him.

But the Descartian dualism had to be quashed. And it was. He realized this firstly and most memorably when his marriage brokeup.

Here was a mental thing - an arrangement between the minds and emotional hearts of people, about LOVE - can anything get MORE ABSTRACT? Yet it was his BODY that was reacting. He was feeling contractions in his mesenteric and gastric regions.

Alimentary things are there to process food, to release tripsin, pepsin and amylase, to churn today's lunch into tommorrow morning's crap, not to react to his brain's feelings. Why was he throwing up, head buried in the cistern, crying and sobbing if the body and the mind were seperate?

He felt cheated by his body, let down, betrayed.

Not by his wife, who was merely trying to get on with her long-delayed life's plan, but by his organs and physiology. Of course he acted like an idiot through most of this time, looking for somewhere to lay the blame for his pain, it goes without saying, and in defiance of the truth he was trying ot convince himself things were different, that his life's ethos was still correct:

"I am a thinking reasoning creature, my head rules, I am in control of me! I am not an animal run by genetic triggers and adapted behaviour!"

But maybe he is. A BIG animal. Grrrr-ruuff...

Love me with your head and heart
Love me from the place it starts
Love me with your head and heart
Love me like a child
John Martyn, Head and Heart

you live your life
like a castaway
in the hold
neatly tucked away…
Powderfinger, Rockin Rocks


[p.s. That'd be a "stowaway" in the hold, arrrgh, Mr Finger. A "castaway" would be deposited on yonder island. So many great rock songs on that album - Vulture Street - E@L just can't stop listening to it... "there's a truth beggin to be told as the blues grab and take a hold"...]


Posted by: expat@large on Sep 23, 05 | 12:31 pm | Profile


You forgot to mention the skinhead Brit/Aussie/General Exile muslim who drinks and interrupts private conversations to talk trash in the bizarre belief that what he has to say is amusing.

He doesn't get a tee-shirt.

Posted by: MercerMachine on Sep 23, 05 | 8:35 pm

Thought I'd save something for you...

That profound comment: was it "I am Brad Pitt in a fat-suit"?

Posted by: expat@large on Sep 23, 05 | 9:49 pm

thoroughly enjoyed myself despite the prat (muslim dude). he is probably one of those that tells his friends Asia's full of women to screw even if you're ugly and dead broke.

looking forward to the next one. i promise i'll stop muttering rubbish.

i find it weird refering to you as E@L now that i know your real name AND have placed my hands on your stomach at least once. but... for the sake of hits...

i mean, who the hell bothers who's P**L?
E@L it is then.

Posted by: Mainebabe on Sep 24, 05 | 4:01 am

Mainey online avatars go back deep into unrecorded history... It's a distancing technique that we insecure people use as a rationalization for our diatribes...

Remeber, there are many Phils out there, however --


Was nice to chat/mutter with you. Am slowly working through your all your blog. And I thought I wrote long posts!!! (but excellent stuff!)

We shall do this again! Soon(ish) - the last beer was a mistake, E@L felt quite seedy next afternoon as he stumbled into the office...

Posted by: expat@large on Sep 24, 05 | 7:31 am


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