And Now For Something Completely Different

No politics here.

Just a story of how unfair life in Bangkok can be for a mild-mannered heterosexual sex-tourist business traveller.


In Bangkok, there are no Girly-Bar sex shows any more. Haven't been for about 20 months - since APEC in 2003 actually.

Female toilers in the field of the Assisted Ejaculation Industry are restricted by tight controls on their behaviour and on what can be displayed, done and deployed on stage. (Behind the curtain is another issue.)

Expat-centric straight Go-Go Bars in Soi Cowboy, Nana Plaza and Patpong in Bangkok have become NFZ - Nipple Free Zones. Even the raucous and driving Rammstein-based choreography at AngelWitch leaves too much to the imagination these days.

Shower scenes have gone down the drain. Ping pong balls are now exclusively used for playing table-tennis. Darts is what old Pommie guys play in the far corner of the Expat pubs...

PM Thaskin is cleaning up the streets for family tourists he says. By this it is commonly assumed he means "clean up the streets until only MY favorite police generals get a stranglehold on the money..." For example, seven or so cops own "Long Gun" in Soi Cowboy. Magically, it is only here that the girls dance naked. No sex shows, but full nudity. Rumour has it.


Rather than waste his time at go to these terrible places E@L installed two wives of some HK football mates on his arms last week-end and, as they wanted someone to take them to a gay bar in Boy Town, he volunteered to play mine host because he had never been there either.

But his interest had been piqued of late.

Last fortnight at the Singapore Writers Festival, Stephen Leather (author of "Private Dancer") had described these shows to the stunned assembled crowd at one of his sessions. If E@L hadn't heard about them from another experienced BKK Campaigner he might not have believed.

After a bracing session at Eden Club (this side of the yellow line), E@L felt quite satisfied that his sexual orientation was due North and did not feel threatened by the prospect of a venture into the strongly gay territory on the other side of Suriwong Rd for a "look see" with those inquisitive girls. Was it all really true, have unsavory practices persited after the "clean up" of the straight bars in Patpong and Nana?

Yes. It's all true. They have persisted.

After standing around for twenty minutes looking extremely macho, the stage guys disappeared and came back a few at a time for the show. Yep. These guys go full throat throttle on stage. We are talking full homosexual penetration sex, only a curtain seperating this action from the "real world" on the soi outside.

It still happens. Don't go there. It was disgusting. It was the worse thing E@L has ever seen.

And those guys are so WELL-HUNG. Not that E@L looked. Not that he felt incredibly inadequate, dimensionally speaking. One hint of solace for E@L was that the show did not have a "happy ending" for the performers, as he had been told is the usual finale. Presumably because this was only the first show of the evening. Maybe their version of the shower scene only comes at the end of the night. To coin a phrase.

E@L's negative body language - he caught himself with arms tightly folded, lips clenched, eyes on the ceiling - did not prevent one of the bar-boys sitting in tight white lycra shorts next to E@L's lady friends from asking her during the show if her friend (E@L) was married! "No, he's not," she said... E@L nearly dies... Wrong answer! Or is it?


But the point of this post - white, rich heterosexual male tourists are being discriminated against!

Now there's a first!

People attuned to the male homosexual AEI have no such restriction on their viewing um, pleasure. The boy shows go all the way, but the bored girls for the most part still just wander around chromium poles, swaying listlessly in their white bikinis to the 70's music, fascinated by their reflections in the wall-mirrors, hoping for a suitably desperate ATM to wander in...

No fair. Terrible stuff.



Posted by: expat@large on Sep 18, 05 | 11:52 pm | Profile


EW to the penetration show!

btw, did you mean no more shooting out balls/eggs/darts??? shoot, i have always wanted to see and yet have the chance.

Posted by: candyfeehily on Sep 19, 05 | 11:41 am

LOL at poor E@L being traumatized by the gay "tiger show".

I'm surprised though that Thaksin didn't crack down on these as well.

But if you miss the female version I understand these are still available in Phnom Penh. (Not that I've seen these personally, of course.)

Posted by: chlim01 on Sep 19, 05 | 12:10 pm

Majorly traumatised! Some decidedly unsafe practices there, though of course condoms were used... Share that surprise, that was really the point of the post.

Reminds E@L off the time he agreed to accompany a lady friend on a Roller-Coaster Ride in Las Vegas. E@L gets on, smiling cheerfully, hoping to gain brownie-points by being so blase yet adventerous!... then remembers that he gets cared shitless on these death-defying rides... by the end he is a white-knuckled crying trembling nervous wreck... she has to pry his fingers from the hand-rails and coddle him with a cappuccino and cheese-cake to steady his nerves... loss of face!!!

E@L doesn't miss the "traditional" girly shows all that much really. Bit of the Old BKK Hand nowadays. He does enjoy the Angelwitch dance show, on occassion, in moderation...

And don't order the "extra happy" pizza in PP! Have a story to tell about that one day, when all the main participants are dead or unrecognizable.


Candy, certain that when Thailand regains its senses things will be back to 'normal'... There are still girly shows going on in Pattaya we have been informed. Just 3hrs in a crowded, sweaty, cramped taxi-van from the BKK airport.

Posted by: expat@large on Sep 19, 05 | 1:14 pm

Well, at very least they used condoms!

(I assume these gay performers will be equally traumatized should they venture into a girlie show.)

Incidently, you didn't mention how the ladies reacted to the show.

Were they as grossed out as you?

Or did the performance intrigue them with new possibilities of what they can do with their husbands?

Posted by: chlim01 on Sep 20, 05 | 5:12 pm

A fair few of the working girls actually attend these shows as the evening (and prospects) fades...

For some reason they like the idea of sleeping with a good looking bloke once in a while. Apparantly endomorphic expats such as E@L just don't really cut it, despite the attestations of liking a man with a "sexy pom pooey" (fat belly)...

So if love-struck tourists wonder where their donations to "my mudder need operlation" actually goes...

My lady friends showed a variey of responses from mock shock and horror, to intense interest -- "Do you think that is REAL???"


Posted by: expat@large on Sep 20, 05 | 8:51 pm


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