Affairs of the Heart (Function) - New Neighbours?
Yes, in between sidewalk conflagrations with restless natives and stumbling over questions and comments (asking them - he's much better at replying) at the SWF, E@L has been very busy with matters relating to the heart.
That wonderful organ, you agree. How do we keep ourselves going, keep out hearts alive, just as they keep us alive? How do new possibilites of love and chances for warm emotional partnerships keep rising in the depths of its cockles despite all those traumas and abuse, all the country-and-western songs, despite it being broken and shattered time and again, and despite its seemingly turning to stone as a result... Hope springs eternal despite ossification of the auricles, yeah?
No no no.
Speak for yourself. Love is for schmucks.
E@L is actually talking about real myocardial dysfunction. Meaty stuff about cardiac meat. Muscle fibres in the heart. Ways of detecting malfunction in subtle cases of ischaemia; you know, mild angina and the like. People who might have some slight narrowing of their coronary arteries. Patient who don't even know that they are patients yet, presenting with exercise intolerance, shortness of breath, maybe some foot-swelling, nothing much else.
Maybe, with the right ultrasound technique (and the right machine, nudge, wink) you can detect something in the speed of the heart's movement, in the deformation (strain) of the fibres as the heart rises, twists and contracts and then relaxes within its boney cage. Maybe there's something in the timing of each segments cycle of this; maybe a muscle cramp of the heart causes it to slow down only the oxygen deprived segment. Is there diastolic dysfunction or systolic? Or nothing at all?
Are these people merely out of condition or are they running out of time?
He has a day of training to give on this topic up in Beijing and cardiac scanning is not really his forté. He's more expert on the fetal ultrasound stuff. Nice to know that his audience will be composed of Doctors. The sales and support staff are all medically trained. Great, nothing like giving a talk to a group of people who know more about the topic than you do. Especially when you are getting paid about 10 times their salary.
Now many of you may already know, and as they will soon discover when question time comes, that E@L is only a jumped up X-ray tech who was handed an ultrasound probe 25 years ago when the hospital's best sonographer cracked the shits and left... (Let's be kind and call it a personality conflict. Slashing tyres was hardly ever mentioned.) When the colleagues say, "Oh Mr Large, you are so experienced!" everyone realizes that are saying, in fact, "Mr Large, you are so old."
More likely the comments wil be, "Mr Large, you are such a sham!"
Strain, strain rate, tissue-tracking, tissue Doppler, time-to-peak strain, post-systolic shortening (it should lengthen after the squeeze of systole, not shorten), stress-induced dyssynchrony (stress created by exercise or drugs), heart failure, ejection fraction, resynchronisation therapy...
Yep, he should be working on his PowerPoint and trying to get his meagre grey cells about all these topics rather than blogging inanely.
Night. Back to it...
SOUNDS like someone has moved in upstairs. SOUNDS like they enjoy playing marbles on the polished wood floors at 11pm. SOUNDS like noise! Guuurrrrreat!
And flatmate possibility No:3 is majorly cute. MAJORLY CUTE! Problem is, she is less enthusiastic than the others... No:1 is too young. No:2 is too male and too Austrian. No:4 is coming tomorrow night.
It's just like blind dating! Only without the slap across the face, the drink over the head and the restraining order.
OTHER MONKEYS SAID
wait, why do you want a flatmate again? don't you realize all the mess and trouble and bickering you're letting yourself in for? The saner they seem, the nuttier they end up being.
On the otherhand, I bet you'll have lots to blog about....
Yeah, maybe this is a mistake...
I was thinking they'd be like a maid: clean up, cook meals, go to their room.
But that they'd pay ME money for the privelege.
You don't think its going to work? You think I'm living in a fool's paradise?
Maybe I should just go get my rocks off somewhere exotic... There'd be stuff to blog about there as well!
We expect pictures of your chosen flatmate. Also if all else fails, go for the one with big tits, er, I mean a big heart.
You've met my ex-flat-mate from HK? Lovely girl. She was unemployed for a while, so good-hearted E@L didn't kick her out, as she was condsidering applying for a gig as a bra-model. And not for Asian sizes either, let me tell you.
Contestant No:4 is 45 minutes late for a flat-viewing and hasn't called to explain. Mmm, she might have already failed a crucial part of the test without realizing.
Constestant No:3, the cute one, is Japanese. About 30 or so. Any advice?
Find out if she is obsessive about cleaning. If she is, that can either be a good thing or a bad thing......
The S.O. is anal about a clean apartment. Good. She views me as the main source of dirt: bad.
Also check out the purse, Louis Vuitton.....stand by!
She seemed very low key. Almost hippyish.
However I myself am a Critical Mass cleaner. No point in cleaning up until there a real job worth some serious "um, cleaning products" as Brad Pitt would say.
You know the Simpsons episode where Homer goes through the swinging door into an immaculate kitchen and by the time the door swings back - CHAOS. That's E@L. He has a special gift!
I was right! They all knew more than me!
But I had a strategy in place! My diagrams were sufficiently obtuse so as to confuse and hide this fact...
Make sure your new flatmate doesn't BLOG! You don't want your dispute to go online if you know what I mean...
Life's lessons, eh Idler?
Having second thoughts about a flatmate actually...