You'll be Toast!

Things E@L Hates: # 451(d)

You go to a fancy hotel in an exotic location, say Bangkok. You'd expect the people staying there to be fancy too, right? For them to be sophisticated world travellers. For them to know the right things to do, to have full use of their faculties.

Well then, how come they don't know how a breakfast buffet works?

Take the toaster.

What do these people do around the toaster? They congregate, looking vague, looking lost. They block the aisle leading to the yoghurt and fruit.

One man picks up some bread WITH HIS FINGERS, examines it, puts it back as if he is not satisfied, then picks up another two slices and places them onto the toaster's little rotating gizmo.

"What are you going to do with that bread?" asks E@L .

"What?" he replies, looking confused, looking trapped.

"That bread. You touched it and put it back," explains E@L .

"What?" he asks again.

E@L takes the tongs, picks up the slices the man had touched and throws them to the side away from the bread tray. "This bread, you are not supposed to touch it with your freaking hands."

Fucking savages, he mumbles under his breath.


Two little old English ladies in printed dresses block the approach to the toaster. They are waiting for their slices to come out. They have put them in for a second round, the first had only warmed the bread. Call this toast? they had asked each other.

They hold the tongs, preventing other people from getting their breakfast. There are plenty of available slots in the toaster gizmo. Other people could be warming their bread too.

E@L slips his Glock from its holster, puts a bullet into the chamber and with his arms extended, raises it to the little old ladies' heads.

"Put DOWN the tongs! Step AWAY from the toaster."

They smile their lost, cute English-village, uncomprehending smiles and continue to hover at the toaster. After 20 seconds of failing to comply their mauve hair and brains splatter the croissants and Danish pastries as E@L fires the clipload of bullets into them. He declips, loads another and let's go with several more into their still quivering torsos.

A little girl standing behind E@L looks at the bodies, the holes in their chests. "Nice grouping," she says.

Obviously a Texan.

E@L (grouping joke from Chuck Woww.)


Posted by: expat@large on Jul 24, 05 | 12:55 pm | Profile


Ah, you silly man, you never cease to amuse. :-)

Posted by: TheScrewySkeptic on Jul 28, 05 | 1:24 pm

Silly! Moi?

It was the old ladies' fault, they should have got out of the way!

Posted by: expat@large on Jul 28, 05 | 4:11 pm


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