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What am I? (Redux)

A total fucking idiot, as mentioned previously.

E@L had been dreaming vague dreams of poaching an egg one of these days, to fulfil his fantasy breakfast of a poached egg on Vegemite toast (don't laugh, it's delicious!) According to the incredibly perspicacious David Byrne, toast is the national dish of Australia, something E@L is patriotically proud to affirm (with the rider of Vegemite!) About the only thing he is truly patriotic about is yeast products! We Australians make reasonably nice Champagne Methode Champenoise, for example. And our reds are just the best. German expat L-G (see earlier post), for one, won't drink anything else!

Stop digressing E@L!

So this a.m. E@L was most eggcited and eggsistentially egged on by a post he found on OrdinaryGweilo, referring to some smart guy's eggsperimental approach to egg poaching. E@L was rapt (ho ho) and ran from the computer to attempt this guy's suggestion of wrapping the uncooked goog in Glad-Wrap (Sarin-wrap, Cling-Wrap, Whaterever-Wrap, just not Gansta-rap) and the dropping of it into boiling water for a nicely constrained result without any spillage, vinegar taste, legginess or appearances reminiscent of seagull poop.

Unfortunately, as is E@L's wont (he doesn't want it to be his wont, but whant can one do?), he went off half-cocked, not really having internalised (i.e. read) the instructions merely glanced at the photos and gone to the kitchen with terrifically underinformed intentions!

Unlike others who also read the original post and went off on their own tangents, such as Zip-lock Sandwich bags (way too expensive, Mia! We all can't be on HK level salaries you know!) E@L stuck with the cheap local Glad-Wrap, as it were.

He cracked the egg into the cup and covered it with the Wrap.

Then he had to figure out how to get it out of the cup and into the Wrap. He inverted it. How to get the frigging cup out now? Naturally the Wrap was stuck to the cup, as intended by the manufacturers, no doubt.

"Carefully" was E@L plan.

Result? Spillage. One egg. All over the kitchen bench. (He was going to say 'the egg was toast', as in ruined, but that is an ironically inappropriate expression under the circumstances.)

One more time. Egg in cup. Wrap over the top.


(What is wrong with this picture?)

Invert cup.


(Crime Scene Reconstruction Ends Here.)

Careful negotiation of disassociation of Wrap from cup. Slowly... successfully! Egg into bubble of Wrap. Slippery Wrap. Coming unstuck Wrap. Walking two steps from bench to stove Wrap un-wraps and eggsaster strikes. Result? Spillage. One egg. All over the floor.

Third go. E@L takes it much more carefully, getting equidistant points of the Wrap together to tie the top and make sure no narrow sides slip down to allow the albumen to slide out - and he successfully gets it into what's left of the boiling water, but for how long? Forgot to check. Whenever the toast is done!

Perfect! (No photos.) Breakfast! Tick! Only 45 minutes late for work!

On the bus home tonight E@L is thinking, wouldn't it be better to put the Wrap INSIDE the cup? Then you could just, like, sorta wrap the ends of the Wrap and lift the egg out without even dirtying the cup.

Why didn't B3TA think of that?

Oh. E@L checks the site. He did. RTFM, E@L!!

What am I? All together now: A Total Fucking Idiot!



Posted by: expat@large on Jul 14, 05 | 11:31 pm | Profile


Ha, I actually picked up some cheap plastic bags this morning. :)

Posted by: Mia on Jul 15, 05 | 9:45 am

Good for you - I am out of them! I was gong to try it this morning so I just used the "correct" wrap technique instead - perfectly fine!

Posted by: expat@large on Jul 17, 05 | 12:11 am


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