In Quest Of The Dick's Knot

Mr Headley has pointed us all to the hilarious Richard Quest scandal, wherein he was allegedly apprehended on something of a quest for dick* across Central Park at 3am with a loop of rope around his wedding tackle and his turkey-like neck... Plus a "sex-toy" in his... wait for it... shoe and some sexual stupidity inducing methamphetamine in his pocket (natch!).

I love the bit where the methodical efficiency of the constabulary at identifying the illegal drug is explained:

The criminal complaint says the officer at the scene was able to ID the drug because of "his prior experience as a police officer in drug arrests, observation of packaging which is characteristic of this type of drug, and defendant's statements that . . . 'I've got some meth in my pocket.' "

Also, a question of procedure :-

If the defendant wasn't exposing himself at the time, as stated uncategorically, how did the arresting officer determine that there was in fact a lewdly knotted rope on the defendant's personage in the first place? Was it his experience in arresting similar late night park interlopers and his familiarity with the characteristic way *they* are packaged, or did Quest offer the other vital clue? Viz: "I've got a rope around my neck connected to one around my balls."

Quite the Gordian knot of Sherlockian deduction, officer. Well done, sir.


* How come after 6+ years of watching this amusingly annoying m-f on TV have I only just twigged to this obvious pun in his name. A gay guy called Dick Quest! Come on, it HAS to be made up.

It's like Swift's joke that starts Gulliver's Travels, it sneaks past you if you are not concentrating - "my good master, Mr Bates"; "Mr Bates, my master"; "my good master Bates"...


Posted by: expat@large on Apr 22, 08 | 4:26 pm | Profile


no worries, sugar! i just tumbled to the fact he was gay! i just thought he was just being english! ;-)

Posted by: savannah on Apr 22, 08 | 6:54 pm

Sav: Jonathan Swift was gay????? He was Irish?

Skippy-san also has a post on this - he quotes someone who also got the Dick Quest pun. Apparently it IS his real name, btw!

Sorry Skip, I read DH's first, then did mine, then read yours!

Posted by: expat@large on Apr 22, 08 | 7:32 pm

I still like my Canadian counterparts line:

"And how can you live all the way to adulthood and not know what the rope is for?"

Posted by: Skippy-san on Apr 22, 08 | 8:36 pm

If he was a minor TV star this would be splashed all ove rthe newspapers. It is nice to see a bit of solidarity when a celebrity gets into a bit of bother. If it was a sportsman who was in the same trouble we would have read more about it.

Posted by: steviefboy on Apr 22, 08 | 9:30 pm

Skip: SkippyStalin is ONE FUNNY DUDE...

Steve: I doubt that Al Jazeera would have protected this way had he decided to work for them as once offered.

Posted by: expat@large on Apr 22, 08 | 10:15 pm

6 months counselling seems a bit steep. What can you talk about for six months - if he was a catholic he'd just get three Hail Marys.

If I had to discuss my problems for six months I might dabble in crystal meth.

Posted by: steviefboy on Apr 22, 08 | 11:13 pm

E @ L

Skippy Stalin is a funny writer. I wish I could write like that. Plus when you link to him-he always comes back and acknowledges it. Classy guy.

Posted by: Skippy-san on Apr 23, 08 | 8:22 am

Stevie: if he was a Catholic it would also explain the rope! As an anti-masturbation device, which we young Soldiers of Christ were forced to wear throughout our teen years. I was lucky, I managed to score one in silk and velvet. I wore it religiously four or five times a day. Hence I cry out Oh My Risen Christ every time I orgasm (four or five times a year, these days) Plus a bomb or two of the holy crystals of Antioch...

Skip: still pissing myself at his Denise Richards / Charlie Sheen post...

Posted by: expat@large on Apr 23, 08 | 8:56 am

you do make me wonder, sugar! ;-)

Posted by: savannah on Apr 24, 08 | 7:32 am

'Dick's Knot' would be a great title for a story...

Posted by: dagg on Apr 26, 08 | 2:45 am

Sav: then my work here is done...

Dagg: Good name for a band?

Posted by: expat@large on Apr 26, 08 | 12:52 pm


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