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Something To Think About... Or To Supress?

It struck me in the taxi tonight, both of my current (i.e. last few years) preferred gorgeous women

Maggie Gyllenhaal and, to a greater of lesser extent, depending upon the photo...


Laura Linney...

have an eerie resemblance to...


... the Ex when she was younger. As in the like pre-20-years-ago-when-we-broke-up-Ex. I admit it, they do - it's those innocent yet knowing, dimpled cheeks (not the best photo for the dimpled cheeks but I don't have many to choose from for you).

Or am I imagining it? What was that recent psycho movie where the guy thought the girl looked like somebody else and she totally didn't? And I don't mean Shallow Hal.

I need therapy. As all my girlfriends since the The Ex have maintained.

Am I looking for a new ideal woman who is so like the old one, am I looking for a replacement who will love me in the way the original never could or never would love me, in order to prove to myself that I am worthy of being loved after all? But it must be her, it must be her! (As she was then not as she is now, heaven forfend.)

Pathetic, meh?

I might not blog for a while after discovering this. Way too deep. Going to get a copy of Hitchcock's Vertigo to distract me from such thoughts of parallellisms and recognitions and remembrances.



Posted by: expat@large on Mar 23, 08 | 10:27 pm | Profile


On my bucks night I was taken to a strip club in the CBD and the guys gave me free choice of the girls for an extended private dance. I had very little recollection of my choice as I was thoroughly smashed at that stage of the evening.

However when they described the girl in detail, their words retrospectively painted a very accurate picture of my personal assistant at the time.

Perhaps I should have just screwed her on the many opportunities she gave me before finally moving on to shag one of my sales reps...?

Sometimes we are subconciously looking for a replacement of sorts I think. I know that I could never get serious about a woman I considered to be less than my ex wife, after all through all the crap we do want to trade up to a better life than the suffering of the past. (if that is what it was for you)

Posted by: sino man on Mar 24, 08 | 3:53 pm

Mine is a more deep-seated problem than that unfortunately (not that yours isn't incredibly deep-seated and no doubt emotionally crippling - hence your need for the solace of high-class fetishistic prostitution), but mine is related to a rejection driven self-loathing and some unappeasable passive-aggressive appetite for the approval and affirmation of my towering brilliance. Don't you agree? (NB: say yes - pleeeeease say yes... I SAID say YES muthafucka!!!)

Posted by: expat@large on Mar 24, 08 | 10:13 pm

OK then...if it helps...yes.

Posted by: Dick on Mar 25, 08 | 12:04 am

You don't count Dick, you've met me and know I that I am a total fraud... It's a nice gesture, but it doesn't help.

It's the others I need to convince -

This situation (of me rejecting support as soon as it is offered) also being symptomatic of my plight - I don't believe anyone who agrees with me, because obviously they must be as mistaken as I am!

It's the space between reality and the imagined (or imaginary) - where falls the Shadow according to Eliot; where the falls the Fantasy according to Zizec and Lacan; and where falls the Fetish according to Freud.

Oops I'm doing it again - pretending to be smart so that people will like me (or the ideal person whom I haven't met yet - and whom I'll reject eventually when I do meet her because she will fail to equal the fantasy perfectly, because no-one can, because it is a fantasy.)

Headache coming on...

(BTW: I'm trying to work out why the autobiographical hero of my much anticipated [and totally intra-cerebral] novel doesn't stay with the girlfriend who in so many external ways is just right for him - including the dimple. [This is my weay of deflecting from the harsh reality of this conversation.])

Posted by: expat@large on Mar 25, 08 | 12:20 am

Yeah, it's a Woody Allen plot.

Posted by: expat@large on Mar 25, 08 | 12:27 am

Maybe that's just your 'type'.

Posted by: Creepy on Mar 25, 08 | 7:18 am

whoo... there is a resemblance between the two, now that you point it out. can't quite tell about the ex. funnily, you're all for MG who's too young for you, and LL is way way WAY up my list and too old for me (like it'd ever happen)

man, we're getting aliker and aliker. does this mean i have to bring back my goatee?

Posted by: knobby on Mar 25, 08 | 11:14 am

MG is super hot and seems to have avoided Hollywood homogeneity. I also rate Drew Barrymore as well for similar reasins. Maybe its just bad girls who attract me. Hope so.

Posted by: steviefboy on Mar 25, 08 | 10:41 pm

I think you'd have to be dead not to lust after Maggie! - Laura Linney has her fascist moments which are a bit off-putting - but funnily enough Peter Saarsgard (small dick! - but maybe he's a grower not a shower) fucked her in "Kinsey" and now guess what - he's hitched to Ms Gyllenhaal!

Posted by: expat@large on Mar 25, 08 | 11:15 pm

somebody tell a joke

i do see the resemblance and it probably is quite disturbing to realize you're stuck in a time warp again (wait that's another movie), rather, that your "ideal" woman hasn't aged along with you. or did i miss the point...again?

Posted by: savannah on Mar 26, 08 | 12:00 am

They all look fine, but my advice is to find someone totally opposite and shg the stuffing out of her. That will help you drain these deep seated feelings.

And if not-at least you still got laid.

Posted by: Skippy-san on Mar 26, 08 | 2:49 pm

Sav: : LOL!!! No I don't think you missed anything. I did.

Skip : I shag the horrible ones so that the good ones seem even better. I do a similar thing with hotels - stay in crap hotles evey now and then (and blog about it) so that a four-star experience still seems wonderful and I don't become jaded by persistent luxury and acclimatised to comfort.

Posted by: expat@large on Mar 26, 08 | 3:22 pm

Perhaps shagging lookalikes is the way to go forward. Ignore all that intelligence and personality stuff as it is the equivalent of radio static to an aroused male and concentrate on appearances alone. I know I have done that before and once sober it is surprising how lttle they look like Beyonce.

This seemingly shallow expression of desire is probably more truthful than many so called 'relationships'.

Posted by: steviefboy on Mar 26, 08 | 6:43 pm

What is truth? asked Pilate and washed his hands.

What is the truth of what men want form women? What is the truth of what *I* want from THAT woman, what HE wants from HIS girlfriend, what your father wants from your mother, what her grandpa want from her grandma... There is no answer, except in the illustrative annals of our great tradition of romantic literature. Henry Miller's Crazy Cock, for example.

Well the thing is, maybe I have done that Millerish shagging around thing for the last ten years or so and everyone now indeed looks the same (hot) and feels the same (hard) and talks the same (Thai) but now maybe I want to move on from sexual behaviour that is indistinguishable from that of most sub-sapient lower species of animals when they are under the effects of females in must, oestrus or heat...

As we grow older and the viagra no longer kicks in so readily, we start to look for someone suitable to hang around with for a longer time period, say a conversation, or a cup of coffee, and who may one day be the person to empty the chamberpot in our decrepit years, so perhasps I SHOULD start to consider the Intelligence and Personality a bit more.

So long as these intelliegent personable ladies look like MaggieG as well! (& BatBitch swears she does!!)

My problem is, not that the ones I choose all look like the Ex, but that I have become AWARE that they all look like the Ex.

Posted by: expat@large on Mar 26, 08 | 7:47 pm

Maybe they don't look like the EX but you think that they are are beginning to look like the EX. My friend points out that given a free choice I normally end up choosing someone who looks like my partner although I never cite that reason.

Even if their looks are super-delicious I will find that it palls pretty quickly if there isn't personality/point of view/attitude/kindness whatever to back it up.

When I can share quiet moments with a woman without feeling the pressure to fill up the silence with jokes or observations that I know I have got it right. Doesn't happen often.

Posted by: steviefboy on Mar 26, 08 | 8:05 pm


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