Great Cliches In Cinema - The Nod (Slow)
Of course Izzy left a pile of books, DVDs, CDs, junk and personal items - some battery powered articles of uncertain utility included - so E@L has plonked them in a box for the sister to come and pick up. At some stage when E@L gets organized enough to be able to coordinate this.
One of the books E@L noticed while packing was a tome entitled Cinematic Storytelling, a guide for directors who need to understand what the cinematographer and editor have done in an usually futile attempt to rescue the absolutely chaotic story from the mess of rushes.
E@L mentions this book because a cursory glance through it fails to mention the single most annoying cliche in modern cinema...
Argh, it drives me crazy. No actor in his right mind would ever be happy to make such a pathetic, lame and pusillanimous gesture unless TOLD to do so by an harassed director, under the thumb of producers who have told him to wind up the shooting TODAY as there is no more money for the catering budget and Pizza Hut are no longer returning their calls.
Classic case, tonight in The Illusionist - rather than have Paul Giametti actually read the fucking book he just been given with all the answers to the orange tree illusion (and presumably all else), he instead divines it all in a series of explicatory alternative reality flash-backs as he stands on the station as the good/bad guy gets away on the train, with the yellow filter over everything to make it look 19th Century, and...
He Nods His Dumb Fucking Head.
Slowly... Like a moron. Life is a boxer charcluts...
As he breaks into a knowing smile, it is obvious that the scenes WE are seeing are playing in HIS head too. How does he know all this? Because he is a genius detective? Because it was so fucking blatant from the word go?
No, because it was cheap and quick and they had no idea where to go to explain everything...!
No, because we are out of freaking movie time, sports fans...!
Paul Giametti was forced into this I am certain. This guy was in Man In The Moon for chrissakes!
As he breaks into that knowing smile, E@L breaks out in hives, that's how allergic he is to such cinematic shite.
[The knowing nod of Harrison Ford at the end of Blade Runner is THAT otherwise great movie's weakest moment too: it really riles me that snippet... Of course some say the ending has always been its weakest point, but I like the slamming of the lift door and the uncertainty of their future...]
However, the "credits" are about to roll back here in The Illusionist! Lets get the EASY plot explanation out of the way: she's a conniving bitch, he's a fraud and a stuck-up prick AND stupid enough to give up his brilliant career for a bit of ephemerally attractive fat blonde tail... quick, and let's get out...
...do the nod, and, hey! add in the camera rotating around the nodder, a la the final scene in Aguirre - Wrath of God (oh aren't we clever! rotating camera means "end of movie", it's Pavlovian, everyone will be salivatingly happy!) and maybe people will forget about the totally unexplained and probably inexplicable "magic" tricks of Ed Norton.
No time to explain them, see, like, Norton really DID disappear into thin air, happens all the time... Move along, nothing to see here...
Just enjoy that nod everyone, nobody nods like Paul Giametti... Paul Giametti! He was brilliant in that wine movie, with one the "no fucking merlot" line! People will respect HIS nod!
Keep looking at that nod, fucking Oscar winning nod hands down... just looooooooooook at that nod - keep smiling, keep rotating, keep nodding...
AAAaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnddddddd CUT. It's a wrap.
There should be a Movie Prize for the biggest annual cop out with a Crap Cinematic Cliche.
Call it The Fucking Noddies...
OTHER MONKEYS SAID
now i have to check out those flicks AGAIN, sugar...
Call it The Fucking Noddies...
i am still chuckling over this one!
I swear I wasn't nodding ... I was scanning the male landscape. :-)
With the current porno involvement you better get fedex to whisk that volume to Europe!
Sav: this post was just an excuse to mention some of my fave movies.
BatBitch: but if you're Indian a nod means No.
Sino: Porno involvement in ToyTown? Constable Plod on the look-out for kinderporn! What will BigEars say to the Golliwogs?
I'd be getting into all kinds of freaky situations, no doubt. :)
I have a soft spot in my heart for Giamatti-his dad was the last decent Commissioner of Baseball. Before the owners forced the issue and now we have the current hacks who cave into them every year.
It is funny you mentioned the Illusionist-it was just on up here on AFN. He really does not pull off a European role really well.
And if you order Merlot-I'm fucking leaving!
Probably AFN has a feed from HBO or Star Movies.
Ah fuck. Sorry about the junk. I was simultaneously trying to pack and move and get one last workout 2 hours before check in... ...