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Feet - Breakfast

Many thousands of kind-hearted well-wishers from all corners of... East Geelong.. have been boring the fuck out of E@L with repeat enquiries about the status of his crumbling feet.

Another short mention of the feet here only - the long one I intend to bore the fuck out YOU with later in the week.


As the photo shows I am letting them out to breathe, hopefully this will help dry out the still open scars - double click or right click (or whatever) for a larger, more nauseating view (Smootie, don't you click). [Yes, that is a pimple on the right big toe - mother fucker!] But I can't leave them out too long as the stench of rotting tissue is attracting flies and nasty uncategorised insects that are looking for fresh flesh into which to bury their starving larval brood. Nor can I rest them in the cooling waters of my villa's small private pool. God knows what toxins are gathering there, evolutionarily immune to the minimal and token chlorine that is supposed to clear much of the gathering fetid scum.

Actually the water looks great: clean and clear and refreshing! I'd love to get in there, to go skinny dipping after midnight with a moist-skinned brown, lithe-bodied Thai nymphet or two... Well I have six more days to fulfill that fantasy.

I mean the fantasy of my feet healing enough to dip them in the water.


I am in a spa-resort NEAR Hua Hin - like Tioman Island is near Singapore. Don't be fooled by the Internet map for this lovely looking place, it is actually 10 or more kms from the beach, on the far side of the hills. Do'h!

The place itself seems grandly done up, although plasticy and false in many minor ways. The best thing is that my privately enclosed and individual villa (I was upgraded when I arrived! Clothes? What are they?) ended up being only half the rated price! But of course E@L wouldn't be E@L if he didn't find something else to whinge about. This week his chosen topic is "Breakfast In Thailand".

Breakfast - I blasted the F&B people of a major Bangkok Hotel about the failings of many quality hotels' breakfast offerings the other day, so I am in the mood. In this resort it is a minimal offering, a bastardized Thai guess at what those strange farangs might possible be prepared to eat in the morning. White toast, Kellogg's corn flakes, boiled chicken sausages, drowned ham, air-dried bacon. Fresh fruit was pineapple (this IS a pineapple growing area) and watermelon - no exotic Thai fruits! At least they have an egg-station with a chef on standby. But I don't usually eat a hot breakfast, so all those bain-maries are totally wasted on me...

I had bland white toast that will probably give me diabetes, reasonably fresh coffee and something that resembled orange juice. It was not the lovely sweet mandarin juice you get on the streets of BKK for 20Bht, but something out of a cardboard box, watery and bland.

E@L's Perfect Hotel Breakfast: multi-grain toast with butter and marmalade - I don't bring my own Vegemite though perhaps I should - three types of muesli mixed together with cut-up exotic fruit and fruit yogurt on top (or vanilla yoghurt if possible!) drenched in whole milk, a freshly brewed coffee (white - I'll add the milk, please - Equal) and a freshly-squeezed orange juice. Another coffee, maybe, if I have time. [The Mulia in Jakarta is one place that meets my needs perfectly. The rest of Indonesia can go to hell - oops, it's already there...]

Variation: ( when I am in the same hotel for a while) a fried egg and some slices of ham (but only if it's REAL ham) in a sandwich of multi-grain toast. Coffee, juice as above..


Even the main meals in the restaurant at this resort are severely limited, which when you are a bus-ride (only 4 shuttles a day) from town it is a major issue. Many menus in Thailand often suffer from a surfeit of choices, there are so many different meals and combinations it is difficult to find and select the more interesting dishes. No such problem here. The extremely limited two page menu does not even carry that standard, Pad Thai.

At lunch I called for room service.

"Pad Thai, krup."

"Thsorry thsir. No Pad Thai, thsir. Hab noodle flied... with chicken, pawn or pork."

"Is your chef Thai? Ask him if he can cook Pad Thai."

"Yeths thsir, he Thai. I athsk him. I call back you room."


"Yesth thsir. You wan chicken pawn or pork in Pad Thai?"

"Kung, please. Prawn. Pad Thai kung, kahp khun krup."

"Kah, in a minute thsir."

Hangs up.

Five minutes later, a lovely Pad Thai with all four condiments (chili vinegar, nam plah, sugar, dried chili) arrives. I crack a beer, having researched that beer and antibiotics DO go together!

Five minutes after lunch is finished, belch, I break out in a pimply red rash on my shoulders and legs. Do'h! It seems that beer and the pain and/or inflammation medication don't mix! However from the example set by an intelligent, well-read and trusted person, I have another beer, just to make sure...

Dinner: I make a booking for the 6 o'clock shuttle to town. I'll probably eat in the Hilton.



Posted by: expat@large on Feb 03, 08 | 3:22 pm | Profile


Try the breakfast station at the Sofitel...they even have a cheese platter at 6AM, so even you would be hard pressed to whinge. :-)

The feet are looking better, or at least on the mend.

Posted by: Indiana on Feb 04, 08 | 8:16 am

The feet need more rest.

I wonder what was in that Pad Thai? Was it really the beer?

Posted by: sino man on Feb 04, 08 | 11:23 am

The sun and the pool make the feet seem better don't they? WRONG! They still fucking hurt.

Indy: Breakfast at the Sofitel - how the fuck does that help me in up-country Hua Hin and environs? I bought my own meusli and yoghurt to breakfast this morning.

Sino: I'm a bit suspicious of the generous sprinkling of peanuts, mixed with the antibiotics... mmm? Mind you I had two more beers last night in town (with sushi, no nuts) and woke up with more itchiness a coupla hours later.

-- I'm starting to wonder, as I hobble down the various Soi - I have always assumed it was the rest of the world that was wierd - maybe it IS just me.

Posted by: expat@large on Feb 04, 08 | 12:12 pm

Have you tried putting peppermint foot lotion on them. It does cool them down the other thing I use is lemongrass foot spray which has an antiseptic quality as well.

Mind you you are more medically qualified than me but these have relieved pain in my feet caused by gout so they should help you.

Posted by: steviefboy on Feb 04, 08 | 5:13 pm

Your ideas sound worth a try steviefboy!

Posted by: Sister on Feb 04, 08 | 10:57 pm

Woud the plural of 'bain-marie' not be 'bains-marie'?

Posted by: rambeaux2 on Feb 05, 08 | 8:24 pm

Mariah: in another life will I maybe try herbal remedies.

RombowDeux: in a perfect world, perhaps, but look around you young man! Is this world, in any truly meaningful way, perfect?

Other than that chocolate desert thingy I had at Tapas Y Vino in the Grand Milennium Bangkok (on Asoke, just up a bit from Soi Cowboy), no.

Posted by: expat@large on Feb 06, 08 | 12:24 am


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