Nathanael West says it better than I could anyway...
For a little while, he seemed to hold his own but one day he found himself with his back to the wall. On that day all the inanimate things over which he had tried to obtain control took to the field against him. When he touched something it spilled or rolled to the floor. The collar buttons disappeared under the bed, the point of the pencil broke, the handle of the razor fell off, the window shade refused to stay down. He fought back, but with too much violence, and was decisively defeated by the spring of the alarm clock. Miss Lonelyhearts.
My problem is with the molded silicon buds of my Bose in-ear headphones. Not that they are bad, quite the opposite, they are terrific. These plugs sit in my ears much better than any other in-ear headset I ever tried - I have maybe fifteen sets from various MP3 and phone purchases over the years. These buds however are a nuisance. They have dropped off the ear-piece countless times since I purchased the set in November. In planes, in airports, in taxis, in the deep pockets of warm coats, in the dark recesses of my briefcase, but I have always found them again.
Yesterday, I finally decided to go to the DIY MachoMan shop and purchase a few drops of Superglue(TM) to keep the little fuckers in place.
I picked the bunched-up cables off my desk, turned to the bed and placed them on the sheet. Because my exercise pants didn't have proper pockets I needed to change out of them into some normal shorts for the walk to Vivocity. First I went for a piss. I took off my shorts and sweaty underpants in the loo. I came back out, put on some new underwear and shorts. When I looked at the head-phones on the bed, one of the latex buds was missing.
In a move of three feet, gone in sixty seconds of my back being turned.
I looked everywhere (in the immediate region). I took the headphones out to the dining-room table so the bastards wouldn't disappear entirely. Just before I went back to my room to check for the missing bud, I looked at them again, so smug, so innocent on the table. What! The other bud was now missing as well! They were in my hand and still the fucker managed to disappear!
Holy fuck, right out of my hand, some alien force was sucking my Bose's buds into a parallel universe...
I went through my exercise shorts, now on the floor of the bathroom looking for the first missing bud. Nope. I looked everywhere again. I checked in the sheets, in the dirty clothes bin, under the bed, under the desk, amongst the piles of crap on my desk. Nope, nope, nope, nope and nuh.
I went back into the bathroom, shook my shorts out. Nope. Wait, hang-on a small flash of clear and black silicon tumbled to my feet, out of some intergalactic portal located in the vicinity of my dirty underpants.
I still haven't found that second missing bud. I kid you not. I am fighting a losing battle. My back is to the wall.
OTHER MONKEYS SAID
Down the toilet ???
I didn't take the ear-phones into the bathroom, but they were in my exercise pants' pocket, which is why I found one piece in the bathroom after I shook down the pants again. It's a fucking mystery. An EXPENSIVE mystery.
You know if they were cheap you wouldn't have lost them!!
Damn right Jen. All the cheap ones are still there, I couldn't throw them away!