Singapore Girls - Lecherous Expats

The four of us were sitting on hospital beds. Nearby, other people in wheel-chairs. I-V stands and syringes all around.

Full of alcohol... of the drinkable variety.

We were at The Clinic, the medical themed bar in Clarke Quay. Three Hong Kong visitors and moi, E@L

On our outside beds by the fountain, we were in an excellent position for a good deal of perving, two of us facing this way as they came down from the taxi-stand, two facing that way for the groups coming back from MoS. Four lecherous old farts ogling the birds.

Disgusting, sexist, but hey, it's a living. Hardship posting.


As yet ANOTHER group of tall, leggy, thin, beautiful and haughty young women cat-walked past us, as yet ANOTHER set of groans escaped us, as yet ANOTHER round of drinks went down, Bruce said:

"I think there's a factory around the corner, there, where they're popping these beautiful women out of moulds."

"Aye, they just keep coomin' " said Manchunian Evil D. "There's no doubt about it all, Singapore girls are so much better than Hong Kong girls. They are cuter, carry themselves better, dress better."

We had to grant this as an empirically true, verifiable fact of life, at least on this evening's sample.

"These girls are models. Have to be, look at the way they walk, feet crossing in front like that," observed Bruce.

We nodded sagely, but we didn't care. Every one of them was a treasure to behold for a few fleeting seconds.

When a pair of less attractive ladies did venture into our (hyper-hypo-)critical gaze, someone would remark:

"Hong Kong tourists!"

General hilarity would ensue.


After nearly an hour of conversation about the varieties of Singapore experience, not just the women, I conceded that there are many things about TLRD that no longer irk me, at least to the degree they used. The pleasant weather when it's not rainy or too sticky. The fact that most people speak a form of English, making interaction with the restless natives much more feasible. The fact that the restless FEMALE natives are cute and smart and sassy.

"You're gettin' used to it, finally!" laughed Evil D.

"Like a frog in slowly boiling water," piped in Bruce.

General hilarity ensues.

"But don't start him on taxi-drivers!"

"Bloody hell," I said. "Had another one fall asleep on me yesterday. In the middle of the day! Every red light he'd drift off, be about 3 seconds late to take off. Guy behind would have to blow his horn... 'Wa? Wa? Brroom...' and he'd take off. Then at the docks, at Keppel Rd, we get another red light, he leans forward, crosses his arms across the steering wheel and puts his head down and starts fucking snoring..."

"He wasn't snoring? Really?" asked Evil D.

"I told you not to start him," said Bruce.


Eventually we were getting crick necks from watching all the beautiful women walk past. The steady stream of absolutely stunning girls, Westerners mostly, some VERY young, lucky to be 18-20, kept going, like an inexorable force.

Also many Chinese and Malay girls, petite pocket rockets wandering around the fountain looking for... love?

The alcohol was flowing, people were getting philosophical...

Then, Ash, also from Hong Kong, who hadn't said much all evening, came out with this gem -

"Married guy sitting at home. Can't decide. Should he get up and go out to look at the women he can't fuck, or stay at home and fuck the woman he can't look at?"

General hilarity ensues.


As we left we saw a crowd, a host of gold and silver babes... Turns out there was big thing around the corner at the Fashion TV bar. They really WERE models...


Earlier, as we went to sit down at the Tapas Bar, I mentioned to Evil D, "Hey man, you're out of form. It's been 20 seconds and you haven't got the waitress's name!"

"Wot's your name, love," he immediately asked the cute and freakishly tall Indonesian (i.e. normal height) server.

"Wen," she replied and smiled (yet another cheeky bastard!) as she reached over to hand out our menus, stretching up her tight tee to expose some decorated flesh at her taut waist.

"Wen? OK, what about right now? The question just remains - Where? Your place or mine? Ha ha!"

It was funny at the time, predictable yet fresh, like watching real Vaudeville instead of reading archival transcripts, and the purpose of the line was achieved. She laughed, she remembered us, she looked after our table really well...



Posted by: expat@large on Nov 23, 07 | 8:42 am | Profile


Ash comment is funny!

Of course there is a third option: go out and fuck the woman you can't afford.

Or is that one you stay home with? I always get confused.

Posted by: Skippy-san on Nov 23, 07 | 11:39 am

"taught waist"?.. mate.. is there anything you're not sharing with us?

Posted by: pc on Nov 23, 07 | 1:56 pm

oops sorry, typo in the spell-checker - corrected to "taut"...

Posted by: expat@large on Nov 23, 07 | 4:17 pm

The topic heading is apt E@L..

I'm sure you men are all perfect specimins yourselves? - or at least could have once been when you were the age of the young girls you're ogling...

(said with a sweet smile upon my face, a twinkle in my eyes, a shilalagh under me arm, and a chuckle - of course!)

- plus a little "grrrrrr" under me breath as well!

Posted by: Sister on Nov 23, 07 | 6:33 pm


a) Topic Heading: Well, that's probably why I chose it...

b) Perfect: No we aren't and never were. Neither did I claim that we are or ever were...

c) Grrr: And so the admiration of beauty is a bad thing...

Unless maybe the observers are beautiful too?

The obvious corollary of what you are saying: - only good looking people can admire beautiful things, like the Mona Lisa, without attracting your sub-respiratory condemnation?

What about those beautiful MODELS who job it is to be looked at... You want them to be unemployed because there are only ugly old farts hanging around?

Or are those girls (and all others) dressing up just to be ignored?

"Beauty is the gift of God": Aristotle. (He also said that men make their gods in their own image.)

Posted by: expat@large on Nov 23, 07 | 7:23 pm

Never assume anything...

I was referring to the 'joke':-

"Married guy sitting at home. Can't decide. Should he get up and go out to look at the women he can't fuck, or stay at home and fuck the woman he can't look at?"

As I used to say to my husband when he admired some YOUNG chick "yes she'd be a little younger than your daughter, ie my stepdaughter" - He LAUGHED! - didn't get offended, because he knew I was having a bit of a JOKE! 'cos most middle-aged women still like to consider themselves as being attractive to men their own age, not wanting to consider that their men would prefer a teenage model. Seems a bit sort of "shallow" ... (but don't worry - middle-aged, 'used-by-date' women are aware of the sexual injustices of life).

Still, they would like to be appreciated and loved for themselves, not feel rejected due to their fading youth and beauty, so it's kinda hurtful to women when men prefer to look at younger women, thus the "grrrrrrr" reaction would be obvious to most middle-aged married men, who would normally laugh!

But you guys are single, so it's different -look "go for it!" There's some gorgeous women out there...

If I were a single man, I'd probably do the same - I was JOKING!! (in a sarcastic way of course - but trying to get you guys to see the female perspective)

Different planets for sure!!

Je va, je va, je gone!

Posted by: Sister on Nov 23, 07 | 9:16 pm

So weren't having a go at how unattractive we blokes were? Actually a coupla of the guys weren't that old, weren't that ugly.

The other joke of the night, just after that one was:

- An older married man is standing at beach-side view with his very unattractive wife on one side and a gorgeous bikini babe on the other.

- The wife whispers to him, "One look and you're dead!"

- The married man is looking up in the air asking, "Why me?"

So, we were indeed having at laugh at ourselves as well, because two of the guys are married and were saying if their wives were there with us, it would be *slightly* different conversation, etc!!!


Yes, I've heard that Picasso's paintings of three nosed women get upset when people prefer Da Vinci (or someone else who paints beautifiul women, can't think of any)...


Must rush, should be packing...

Posted by: expat@large on Nov 23, 07 | 9:55 pm

Ya know mate, I'd still trade you Bangkok for Sillypore as a posting. Getting right bored of Bangers...

So how long in Chicago? Have your SG telephone with you (I have mt TG phone with me)? I'm stuck in Detroit for a few more days and may find myself in Chicago next week.

Posted by: Dan at ExPatLife on Nov 26, 07 | 11:30 am

Dan - your email address bounced. I'm in Chicago until Saturday. Staying at Ambassador East. No idea where the fuck that in relation to anywhere, but there are pictures of famous people all over the restaurant walls (The PumpRoom)

Posted by: expat@large on Nov 26, 07 | 8:14 pm


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