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It's The Small Things

... that ruin your day.

Yesterday, E@L suffers a relapse of the Kopi and Kaya Toast fiasco. The training starts in 20 minutes, he has missed breakfast due to the freaking great hangover from the weekend but he has time to get some kopi and toast to tide him over if the system would only work smoothly... But it was a long queue, testing their logistical ability to deliver orders in a timely fashion and accurately. *BLLARRRPP* - they fail.

Standing right at the counter waiting fifteen minutes to be delivered of his toast as they hand order after order to people who had come *AFTER* E@L was a bit much.

E@L: Are you *EVER* going to make my toast? Already six people after me on the queue have got their order. Where is mine?
Cashier (same dumb four-eyed bitch as last time.): [Looks at his receipt. Finds a bag of toast sitting in the far corner.] Oh sorry, did not see you. It is here, been waiting for someone. [Hands over the now COLD toast...]
E@L: I've been standing right here for fifteen minutes, how could you not see me?
Cashier (D4EB): [ Shrugs]...
E@L: [Now almost late, walking away] *FUCK!*

Yes, he said that out loud.


... that ruin your day.

Lunch-time today, twenty minutes between lectures and workshops to grab something to eat. E@L decides on a banana and some yoghurt. It's a day for detox. However the two non-Chinese, non-Western, non-Indian Singaporean guys at the front of the queue in the ColdStorage market are stocking up for winter in their log-cabin in the woods, crate after crate... It takes eight minutes for E@L to get his two meagre items through. E@L decides to risk a kopi and kaya toast again, something to settle this frustration from waiting in the queue.

He see two colleagues already seated enjoying their kopi. There is NO QUEUE at the counter. He hands the D4EB [she's ba-ack] the correct change for kopi and kaya toast.

E@L: Kopi and kaya butter toast.
D4EB: [Stupid blank expression looking at the coins] ... Kaya and butter toast? Not just kaya only? [ Still holds out money like it was infected with dengue...]
E@L: [thinks: holy shit I *AM* in Groundhog Day!] Kaya *BUTTER* toast, yes, and KOPI ['o' as in 'corpse', as in 'cool', as in 'loosing it'] ... to have here.
D4EB: Ah, kopi, OK. [Calls to the coffee maker] Kopi. [Punches in order and hands E@L a token for his toast to place on the table.]

E@L gets his kopi with no hassles and sits at the table to chat with his colleagues. He sips the kopi lightly, expecting toast any second. It doesn't come. Time is ticking by. It is almost necessary to get back. One of his colleagues indicates to a passing waiter that the toast hasn't come yet. They keep chatting. Ten minutes have passed. Still no toast. The colleague again calls to the waiter, who goes to see the toast woman -- who looks blankly about. She is doing nothing, not making any toast. What order for toast?

It has been fifteen minutes, the workshops are delayed...

E@L: [storms to the counter, demands of the D4EB who had obviously failed to pass on the order...] Give me my money back!
D4EB: [Flustered, defensive] Here is some toast, cooking now, ready soon!
E@L: Give me money back. Fuck your toast. [almost crying...] And you did this exact same thing to me *YESTERDAY*... Am I invisible?
D4EB: [Hands over money...] ...

E@L swills the dregs of his now cold kopi, grabs his banana and yoghurt from the table and gets back the office ten minutes late, only to be greeted with immense sarcasm from his workshop co-presenter.

Longgun: Did you have nice long lunch, yeah?
E@L: [Gritting teeth] Ha ha ha. [Under his breath] Fuck that D4EB!


... that make your day.

This morning E@L is walking into Little India Station past the OCBC ATM, the SAM machine, the closed shop, towards the corner that leads to the wide entrance of the foyer where the ticket-machines and gates gaurd the escalators down to the train platform. A youngish non-Chinese, non-Western, non-Indian Singaporean guy is walking across the corridor from the Tekka Mall entrance, walking straight towards the foyer entrance, same as E@L, but at 45 degrees. The entire expanse of the wide corridor is available to both of them. E@L is quite close the wall on the left as he approaches the corner. The guy is coming in from the right side of the corridor at a steady pace, heading towards the same point of the same corner as E@L . There is no need for him to move DIRECTLY in front of E@L, so close to him that E@L would ordinarily have to slow down...

What the ... ??? But he does...

There was absolutely no need for this - the corridor was totally empty from wall to wall at their position as they turn the corner... This guy just wantonly, rudely and inconsiderately invaded E@L's walking space! Singabloodypore!

*BUT* E@L does NOT slow down! He continues to walk on, stepping forward at exactly the same pace, taking exactly the same length strides...

*AND* with the tip of his left toe, and with no effort (hardly) at all as he keeps moving forward, making it appear totally (almost) unforced, totally (mostly) unpremeditated, E@L is able to flick the heel of this idiot's left foot as he lifts it to take a step, forcing it behind the right heel just enough to cause him to stumble slightly, not to trip completely, merely to lose the balance of his stride and to have to slow down, not to fall awkwardly forward and smash his ugly head to a streaming bloody pulp on the sharp metal edges of the corner plinth of the folded security doors...

E@L steps around him as he wonders what is going on and E@L quietly says... "Watch where you're fucking going, dickhead..."

E@L smiles broadly as he passes his Ez-link card across the detector on the gateway and descends to the platform, thinking: a kopi and kaya toast would be nice....



Posted by: expat@large on Jul 03, 07 | 10:36 pm | Profile


Poor diddums. You sound like you need a rub.

Posted by: VirginPornStar on Jul 04, 07 | 1:50 am

damn, sugar...you need a housekeeper! who makes breakfast for you...you have bad seriously bad eat out/take away juju happening (it's not YOU, it's them)

ps. based on your description of the same dumb four-eyed bitch i have personally put together an image that will suffer unspeakable pain when she gets our order wrong again...if that doesn't work...i have friends down in new orleans

Posted by: savannah on Jul 04, 07 | 6:23 am

You really do have issue, you realise that don't you ~grin~

Maybe you should try something different for breakfast?

Posted by: Indiana on Jul 04, 07 | 10:13 am

Unfortunately the strong caffiene and the sweetened condensed milk in the Singaporean kopi (pulled through a sock filter) as well the mixture of sugar and fat in the toppings on the toast make for an incredibly addictive snack... I haven't sunk so local as to order the half-boiled eggs in soy sauce yet (cholesterol and salt - YUMMY!)

My pancreas craves and generally, what my pancreas wants, it forces my brain to instruct my body to get.

I believe there is a Toast Box (a rival kaya toast vendor) in Vivocity, the vast shopping mall next door...

Posted by: expat@large on Jul 04, 07 | 11:24 am

oh yeah VPS, I really need a rub. And a tug. Ah, tomorrow BKK home of the extras service, Happy Ending!

Posted by: expat@large on Jul 04, 07 | 12:48 pm

Happy endings in the land of "I love you long time". Sounds like you have a naughty weekend planned.

Posted by: VirginPornStar on Jul 04, 07 | 12:52 pm

VPS: no names, no pack drill.

Posted by: expat@large on Jul 04, 07 | 1:38 pm

I'm sure you can find a way to piss D4EB off. Make her write it down? Write down your order for her? Give her the same piece of paper every day?


Make her sign it.

Posted by: Hairydonut2 on Jul 05, 07 | 3:55 pm


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