LEAST Favorites

In the light of certain recent discoveries of the human psyche, about how people chose dates on-line:


and thinking about how people who meet on-line through either dating or just blogging around get along or not, and if so how they sometimes collect together in groups of like-minded individuals and then drink copious amounts of alcohol and bitch about the specific shortcomings of the world, wouldn't it be more useful if, rather than the "Favourites" tag in people's Blogger ID, you could list or categorise your "LEAST Favourites"?

This is going to be far more revealing and more likely to create bonds and sly partnerships of anti-whatever minded souls sooner, so they can trash the trite and ostentatiously famous and the nefariously over-televised. Then you can dive straight into bitching about the things you hate, rather than be boringly positive about the nice things in life, like anyone gave a damn about them.

For example, having "Harry Potter and The Springbreaks of Florida" as a favourite Book is hardly going to differentiate you from the great mindless unwashed. As Tolstoy sort said of families, happy people are boringly alike, but the unhappy tend to be more creative with their negativity. Hence interesting.

Here's a sample from my potential new profile:

LEAST Favourite Books: Anything by people with two initials for a first name and "Rowling" as a last name. Anything by people with "Dan" as a first name and "Brown" as a last name. Anything famous or best-selling unless I approve (i.e. Martin Amis approves). Biographies of famous people other than writers. Anything New Age, Self-Help (if you're in to *self* help, why would you buy a book written by someone else?), or Mystical. Anything where the authors name is embossed on the cover while the title (in a smaller font) is not, hinting at a mass printing run of embossed Author Name cardboard ready for his writing team's next installments. Anything by Clive Cussler (see above, re: embossed names) or anything with apache helicopters or submarines in it. Any supposedly sexy book that doesn't have an explosive blow-job by page 10 - note Chick-Lit, I'm talking to you. I tend to dislike and eventually distrust writers who follow genres and don't have the ability or desire to transcend such classification. Like Phillipe Djian's narrator in "Betty Blue", I like writers who have passion and a unique style. Like Kurt Vonnegut, I like writers who are honest and who talk about significant issues (without necessarily being Marxists). Otherwise, why bother?

LEAST Favourite Movies - Anything that has Harrison Ford in it, except Blade-Runner. Or Regarding Henry, because it also has Annette Bening in it. Anything set in a distant galaxy, except the Alien quadrology. Anything where the CGI cost more than the lead actor's salary, except LOTR trilogy which was brilliant done. Anything with large creatures in it - King Kong for example: all three versions are crap - the whole story is load of crap, the CGI in Jackson version is extremely risible and often totally unnecessary. Any Singapore versions of a sexy movie where the nudity or swearing are removed, to protect me. Anything "made for TV", except Wit, which was, well, very witty. Any movie where there is a final speech at the end in a big auditorium (say a coliseum of some sort) and everyone in the huge (CGI) crowd is quiet while the speech is given and then cheers when it is finished some 10 minutes later, even though they couldn't possibly have heard him or least of all understood the implications of the political double-dealing and chicanery, the emotional roller-coaster he has been on, and the twists of fate which get him there in the first place, and which through subtle and ironic rhetoric he deflates in 20 words or less and a long meaningful twitch of the masseter muscle. Ah, that'd be Gladiator. Anything where the CGI and special effects are wizard but the pretentious "mythological" implications of the story are trite, false, inconsistent and incomplete. That's be anything by Guillermo Del Toro, except Hellboy, which was fun. I tend to prefer movies which are brave enough to try and break new ground. Also smaller movies which reinterpret the world, life and death and have a soundtrack by Neil Young, preferably.

LEAST Favourite Colour: Purple. Too many 60's & 70's flashbacks.

LEAST Favourite Fruit: Durian.

LEAST Favourite Car: Taxis.

LEAST Favourite Blog: Yours. But I read it as a penance for all the nasty things I say about you behind your back.

LEAST Favourite Question: Anything random and stupid.

LEAST Favourite Past-time: Organizing 50th Birthday Celebrations (so I blog crap instead.)



Posted by: expat@large on Jun 18, 07 | 3:03 pm | Profile


wait, hold on..you mean the preparations for the party aren't complete??? and here i am with a ticket and a present! dammit man!

Posted by: savannah on Jun 18, 07 | 10:19 pm

Aaaagh. I liked Pan's Labyrinth. And you're confusing Senor Del Toro with Borges brother-in-law!

Posted by: Dick on Jun 18, 07 | 11:05 pm

Sav - just watched Kisskissbangbang - like RD Jr says, "I never finish anything".

Dick - so I didn't have to time to check the spelling, call it a sacrifice to the God of BS... Look, hey presto, no-one knows what the hellboy you're talking about!

And truly I WANTED to like Pan'sLab, but it just went sour retrospectively when it turns out that the knife was just a McGuffin.

When this sort of thing happens, or everyone starts dying all of sudden, say the end of Kisskissbangbang, or The Departed, you know they ran out of screen time (or money) to fully unravel the plot.

Couldn't find that Ballard book tonight.

Posted by: expat@large on Jun 19, 07 | 1:01 am

The mishmash of fairy tales was what I liked about Pan's Lab...and the way fantasy and reality got mixed up. The special effects were good too I thought...well integrated, not overdone.

Posted by: Dick on Jun 19, 07 | 2:02 am

Well, I've discussed it at lenght previously in the blog, so i won't get into too much detail again, save to say it may have been a matter of setting expectations too high. I REALLY wanted to like it, I wanted to find another GREAT movie, I wanted it to be another Blade Runner, another Alien, another Police Academy VII.. I wanted my last hooker to have real tits and a real pussy too, but you know how these things go...

Desangano... the all too expected disappointment.

Speaking of Spanish, got the new Enrique Villa-Matas instead of the Ballard: Montano -- about a writer so obsessed with books and writing that he can't write himself except about other books and writers, using their stories to to tell the story of overcoming his own writers block by writing a novel about a writer so obsessed with books and writing that he can't write himself without ... you can guess the rest.

Posted by: expat@large on Jun 19, 07 | 2:37 am

Pans Lab isn't in that league I'm afraid.

Oh boy....I like the sound of that Montano --. Depends how it's done of course.

Posted by: Dick on Jun 19, 07 | 6:11 am

Call me overly sensitive, but there are way too many digs at me in this post...ya batsahd :-)

Liking small run, self indulgent pretentious art-house movies should not be confused with sophistication nor intelligence rather it is more likely to point to a penchant for buggery and molestation of small furry animals.

There are many CGI enhanced movies that are enhanced by the use, have great dialog and still impart a message and leave you thinking without the need for long winded speeches, black and white flash backs or obscure philosophical references that the writer/director somehow thinks makes him appear far smarter than he is.
Eating a thesaurus for breakfast does make you well spoken...

...I shall ignore the obvious Harrison Ford/Indian Jones dig.

But to dare invoke wrath on the holy trinity...that my friend is Blasphemy. Just for that I will be helping that so called Credit Card of yours hit melt-down in record time when we all celebrate your entry in the geriatric ranks.

Posted by: Indiana on Jun 19, 07 | 10:06 am

Dick: it's done brilliantly of course; "I find literature more and more stifling, at the age of fifty it frightens me to think that my destiny is to turn into a walking dictionary of quotations."

Indy: Moi? Sesquipedalianism? My movies pretentious? - Grrr. I throw down my marmet in anger!

OK the Harrison Ford thing was a tease. Partly Just checking to see if you're alive.

Trinity? Did I mention how much I loathe those Terence Hill and Bud Spencer spaghetti Western movies? I certainly meant to...

Posted by: expat@large on Jun 19, 07 | 10:54 am

I notice Ruth Rendell is not stated under your list of least favourite books.

Posted by: VirginPornStar on Jun 19, 07 | 12:17 pm

Funny, I like Barabra Vine but not Ruth Rendell...

Call me schizo, call me crazy, call me irresponsible (immature), but call me!

Posted by: expat@large on Jun 19, 07 | 1:25 pm

I'm sorry but I tried to read every line of the equation extract and my brain exploded.

Posted by: Hairydonut2 on Jun 20, 07 | 2:39 pm

So, we need a mathemetician to interpret jargon for a lawyer...

Posted by: expat@large on Jun 20, 07 | 6:22 pm

I think it was the word "binary". I tried to think about what it could possibly mean, then a mushroom-shaped cloud appeared above my head and the ground started to shake.

Posted by: Hairydonut2 on Jun 21, 07 | 10:16 am


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