Out for "blogger" drinks and dinner with Hongkie Town's Spike tonight and after a sorry tsunami of late cancellations from the pathetic Singapore contingent, that left only the three us - brave Knobby turned up...
After some time at Dempsey Rd because Izzy - who didn't turn up anyway - didn't want hawker food, scoffing $90 worth of wine, we went to ZamZam in Arab St for $21 of way too much "Indian" food. After this feast, Knobby went on home and naturally enough Spike and E@L headed to ...
Yeah, how fucking predictable is this? We hit the 4FoWs at OT. Sad, sad, all is sadness, saith the prophet.
What amazed E@L was that despite being dressed in the absolute heighth of fashion, with overlarge cargo shorts and fairy sandals, the girls all ignored him and instantly made a beeline for Spike! Time and time again the girls who made their move towards us went straight to him!
Even older than me (slightly), wearing slacks and sporting an ear-ring, he obviously exuded the "I am prepared to play the game and pay for it" vibe. E@L must have looked the "I am grumpy, tight-wad, neo-puritan local here for a perve only" vibe.
And for reasons that totally dumbfound E@L - and OK we all know E@L is not the greatest looking bloke around but trust me on this, Spike ain't no oil paintin' either - ONCE AGAIN! the horniest girl in the bar was giving him the come-on! And what is he, chopped liver? He took her up on the eyebrows sniggles and the arse/hip wiggles and the half-smile giggles...
He went to the bathroom and came back to HER table, abandoning E@L to a scary bevy of over-surgeried Vietnamese girls who were working their way through a bottle of Chivas to build up their courage to pick up some of the unter-mensch here tonight. Like the guy on the dance-floor with the MPB and dreadful comb-over dancing the most tragic weird-arse moves to various Beatles songs; like the Indian slip of a lad who had ABSOLUTELY ZERO sense of rhythm...
Spike's horny girl (not perfectly pretty, just erotic looking, cute and flirtatious) was, it turns out, guitar player in a band in the Philippines and was here in Ipanema with two friends so E@L, lacking anyone to converse with about Nietzschean Amor Fati, went over to join them.
The one with the biggest tits on display was the next most cutest. She was the singer in this purported band. A large mouth, but still slightly too many teeth, was not unattractive. In fact quite presentable... The one who flirted most ostentatiously with E@L as some sort of runner-up prize however, was short and pudgy, not at all attractive.
BigTits, whom E@L had set his eyes and vague hopes upon, for a fleeting second at first totally ignored him as he approached, although she knew he was coming over to her, couldn't help but see it. This act of honest exasperation lasted just long enough for E@L to be aware of it, almost short enough to be a presque-vu. But he noticed it all right, and the night turned instantly sour for him.
GuitaristGirl must have noticed it too, for she gave BigTits a nudge and she then clicked some internal switch to become - *BING* - all of a sudden friendly, chirpy and interested. "Hello, how bar joo?" she smiled with that slightly more teeth than needed smile. E@L wasn't buying it, but moved in closer anyway, trying to overcome this sense of "she doesn't really like me but is just pretending", however she never really erased that glimpse of her genuine initial hesitation and he could tell that she never warmed to him, only superficially seeming interested, to be polite. Well, du'h, just because she is in town as a hooker not a singer she doesn't have to shag EVERYONE!
Short'N'Pudgy moved in instead, backing into E@L's crotch with a gyrating arse move, one of the classics. She turned around and gyrated down in a twist-like dance, bobbing down till her head was right by his crotch, the "pretend to suck your dick" move. Classic no 2. Meanwhile BigTits kept her eye on the mirror, watching her own dance moves, looking away her only negation, ignoring E@L mostly but occasionally smiling.
Variations on this for 30 minutes.
Spike kept subtly making out with GuitarGirl. E@L, amazed by the Rulelessness of Attraction, asked Short'N'Pudgy what she thought GuitarGirl saw in Spike. She pulled a face and shrugged. She had no clue. She didn't see it. BigTits said, "She's drunk."
The happy couple, Spike and GuitarGirl eventually moved off with a catch-you-later high five...
E@L, obviously not the target demographic for the girls he would have preferred himself to target, bought the two girls a beer each and left...
As the song the band played went like this...
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me craa-a-zy?
OTHER MONKEYS SAID
Spike was wearing Eau de Wanchai.......... probably made some of the girls in 4FoW's feel like they were back on Jaffe road.
Have a beer for me!
Believe me, dude, with most of those girls coming over to us, I would have been extremely happy had they gone over to you instead of me. Tonight I might ask to borrow a pair of your shorts and those Dutch style wooden shoes you were wearing. I mean, when I came back from the bathroom, I was too fucking scared to go back to our table with those Vietnamese plastic surgery victims still there.
Getting serious for a minute, what the girls go for with me is the jewelry. They all were pointing at my earring and most of them were busier checking out my watch (a 60s style retro looking Ecko thing) than my bald spot.
As far as miss guitar player goes, apparently I managed to push some of the proper buttons once we got back to the room and she went from average in the shower to porn star in the bedroom, doing the same moves on top of me that she'd done on the dance floor and biting me so hard I thought my head (big one, not smaller one) was gonna come off. Nice perky nipples and a firm round ass. I had no complaints.
She then tried to invite herself along for dinner tonight with promises that last night was just the warm-up. But I told her the dinner would be bloggers-only ....
Skip - I certainly stunk last night! Yeah, there were some real dragons there so that was probably a good thing.
Spike - like I said, she looked the genuine erotic type...
OK, so I looked like an undercover dork (I AM an undercover dork!) and if it's jewelery that makes the difference, where can I get a false nose piercing?
Why does everyone pick on my new sandals? They are ultra comfortable! At least I wasn't wearing white socks with them. This time.
It's not the jewelry, per se. Shall I get all semi-serious for a minute?
Okay, some of the stuff in Neil Strauss's book The Game is for real. And one of the things that's for real is that a guy needs to add some stuff on to separate himself from the pack. So when a guy is going out for the purpose of finding a woman, he needs to wear something flashy or that stands out from the crowd.
Women, even hookers (maybe even more so) spend a lot of time on their appearance. They (even hookers) appreciate a guy who looks like he put at least a little bit of thought into his own presentation.
And there ain't that many guys my age wearing earrings. So they think, "okay he's old and fat like every other guy in here but the earring says he's a bit hipper or a bit more fun or a bit more young at heart" or something, I dunno.
Now no offense, P, but you on the other hand were wearing a standard uniform with no customization at all. So you didn't stand out in the crowd at all. You're relying on your considerable intellect and humor to reel 'em in, but they won't bite the line unless the lure is flashy.
this post reminds me why i wish i wasn't short and pudgy.. hahaha.. men hate u! anyway she's got no class. if you aint interested, you ain't interested.
Oh hun, I hope your new sandals weren't a pair of new Crocs!
I gotta agree with Spike on the bit about standing out from the rest of the crowd.
Fascinating story (I'm easily fascinated). You'll have to take me to OT with you one day when I visit Singapore (probably during the GSS).
Spike: well, did the fancy/expensive shirt worked better tonight? Last night I was not really planning on standing out at all... Gradually growing more appreciative of Singapore's (expensive and) various offerings - or maybe it's whom you travel with that makes the difference.
Ivy: medium sized and REALLY REALLY pudgy is me!
exVPS: the sandals were not what I really wanted at the Teva store, but there were all they had and mmmm, they ARE comfortable. I suffer from peripheral neuralgia and my feet ache ALL the time. These are great, like putting your tootsies into a snug bed...
you seem fine to me, sugar....
E@L, intellect as you are, the place is however, too dark and too noisy for intellectual you to attract.. i bet once they know how smart you are they'll flock to you though. :)
New to your blog but i have to say i nearly split my sides laughing. Why is it expats have so many more fun exploits than the regular person? MAybe its the way u guys write it. Sheesh u're living it up far better than me and im in california AND in my early 20s!!!!! :(
Sav: sweet -- but no sugar daddy!
Jude: I can't even spell Neiztchean, Neetchian, KneesToChin, KneivelEvilChin,...
Bumbler: see Jude's comment. Add 1 mid-life crisis, 1/2 a shot of too much money, stir and strain one career into the toilet. Flush.
Yeah dude, on Tuesday night, with the nicer shirt and pants that reached past your ankles, I think the girls were going over to you first. Given the selection, that may have been a mixed blessing.
one more reason for you to get a tattoo!