E@L's Perfect (if tedious) Chip Recipe

Take some potatoes, makes them into perfect chips. Done.

You could even modify Architect's Chips if you want to use E@L's method...

[Nota Bene:, Minty boils the root vegetables first!]


E@L has been on a secret mission to avoid political talk lately but, no don't worry, he hasn't succumbed to the "climate of fear"... Also, more to the point, he's been at work. Been asked to go the head office and help with their marketing department. [The company HAS a marketing department???]

He's sick of getting smashed with hits -- he was quoted on one of the local forums too!

So instead he has retreated to the kitchen to put some of his deep scientific knowledge to use in the making of The Perfect Chip (TPC).


This is a THREE stage process and DOES NOT involve going to the supermarket to buy frozen precooked chips - E@L is a fucking gourmand, dudes! He only gets really expensive good spuds and sweet potatoes from fancy supermarkets like Tanglin Market for HIS favorite tum-tum!

Stage 1: Blanch the cut chip potatoes in hot water, at say 60°, for 10 minutes. Hint: let the kettle boil then cool for a coupla minutes before you pour the water on. Drain, dry well and cool.

Stage2: Cook the chips in medium temp oil for about 6-8 minutes (bit less for the sweet-potato chips). This takes care of the inner chip without exploding the inner gelatins. The outside should not go brown at this stage. Drain on absorbent paper, cool in the fridge.

Stage3: Re-cook the chips in REALLY HOT oil for 3 minutes or so. This turns the outer later of starch cellulose into a form of glass, dark, firm, sometimes slightly blistered away from the inner chip.

There it is. Crispy on the outside, tasty on the inside. A sprinkle of sodium chloride and superbe!

And ANY fucking salt will do. Sea salt, rock salt, flake salt, organic hydroponic native-grown free-the-whales salt. Salt is salt is sodium chloride, nuff said. Fucking social anxiety salt snob wankers, get a fucking life. (With added iodine to prevent goitre.)


Where did E@L learn all this brilliant stuff, he hears you ask? Surely he was not born with such a wealth of useful information. Actually it sometimes does worry E@L where he gets his obscure trivia... like for example how does he know that if it had been clear weather over Kokura on August 9th 1945, we might not have the automatic arse washing toilet (the washlet) developed in Kokura-Kata, by the Toto Company in the 1980. Something to think about.

Another thing to think about: only 30% of people in the world use toilet paper. And another: 70% of people work in food preparation industries. Joking...

Enough toilet humour, back to the chips.


E@L DOES know where he garnered his chip information.

Source 1 was a BBC show he watched one totally bored afternoon, Science in the Kitchen, although it is called Full On Food on the website.

The BBC's website only discusses the science of the spud related to the making of super soft yet un-mushy mashed potatoes, while the TV show that E@L saw started off talking about chips, and explained about gels and glass in the cooking thereof. The website page does explain the crucial Stage1 for for mash, which also holds true for stellar chips, which is to blanch the cut spuds first...

Some cooks, including Heston, prefer to cook the potatoes twice before mashing them. The potatoes are first cooked at a temperature below the boiling point for several minutes. They are then allowed to cool before giving them a final cooking just before they are mashed. This technique gives firmer potatoes - and the reason for this is quite subtle.

Potato cells contain pectin molecules; during the first cooking, and before the cells get too hot, enzymes are activated which change the nature of the pectin, allowing it to react with calcium that is naturally present within the cells of the potato. The combination acts as an insoluble 'glue' between the potato cells and makes them hold together more during the second cooking stage, with the result that the potato is more firm.

[N.B. The BBC Food website also recommends another chip recipe from the British Potato Council involving soaking the sliced spuds in COLD water first. Not so sure of the science of that, but it must be true if it's on the BBC!]

E@L decided to go with the hot water soaking recipe because it is backed up by...

Source 2: In Fast Food Nation, author Eric Schlosser describes how the chips destined for McDonalds are prepared, and we all know how scrummy THEY taste...

Conveyor belts took the wet, clean potatoes into a machine that blasted them with steam for 12 secs, boiled the water under their skins, and exploded their skins off. Then the potatoes were pumped into a preheat tank and shot through a Lamb Water Gun Knife. They emerged as shoestring fries... Sprays of hot water blanched the fries, gusts of hot air dried them and 25,000 pounds [weight not cost] of boiling oil fried them to a slight crisp. Air cooled by compressed ammonia quickly froze them...

Note all that hot water and steam, PRIOR to them getting their first frying in medium temp oil. Really hot oil for the second frying... and there you go.

That's how you make TPC.


Photographic Proof


E@L's Steak and Chips


And a crispy Noodle Coleslaw (for good health!)

And the taste test? A+ summa cum laude! Well done



Posted by: expat@large on Apr 19, 07 | 12:13 am | Profile


That's true about salt being sodium chloride of course E@L but I don't know why you have to be so fucking coarse about it. Some of us like to imagine the tang of sea air and the sound of waves pounding on the beach you know.

Posted by: Dick on Apr 19, 07 | 4:21 am

Oh...bon appetit!

Posted by: Dick on Apr 19, 07 | 4:22 am

I love the subtle way your tum-tum plays with your mind and convinces you that the "healthy" coleslaw negates the oil soaked lengths of starch and carbs.

You didn't say whether you peel said spuds first or do you just scrub them prior to the cutting?

Posted by: Indiana on Apr 19, 07 | 6:56 am

Anything bad happened this time, when you cooked?

Posted by: VirginPornStar on Apr 19, 07 | 9:16 am

Dick: The imagination is a wonderful thing, I'd imagine. Chunky salt just gives a larger burst of saltiness all in one place. Thank you.

Indy: My tum-tum prefers "complements" to "negates"... Yes, I had 'embrrassed' the potatoes first. Being larger chips, they absorb less oil, which is the killer, not the starch (which is a polysaccharide, a complex carbohydrate already), or it is? Oils or carbs, which is the bad guy? Depends upon which diet book you are currently reading. Either way, chips are bad, but scrummy!

VPS: Actually, good point! This was my second batch, done with photos for the blog, the first batch I did on Monday... the day of the Virginia shootings!!!! but I didn't turn on the TV till next day, so didn't think out about the relationship.

Holy shit I've done it again!

Posted by: expat@large on Apr 19, 07 | 10:40 am


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