Rules Of Seducing E@L

Breathe. Be nearby. Pretend to like him...

In contrast...


One of the Girls-In-The-Pub (© E@L) said that while some men are shallow and easily led, most can maintain control. Men are powerful like that, they have the authority in sexual situations... (stop laughing, this is serious.)

Look at those sorts of guys that keep control of a situation with the opposite sex. GITP says she always feels like she's the prey in the bar-dating-game-hunt meet-market. (She only chases girls herself... mostly.) The guys that are cool and intelligent - they play the game well, exude confidence and power and they usually go on the 'attack' themselves or they do the hard-to-get routine, horse-whisperer style of seduction (viz: The Game). Usually women find these men the most attractive, interesting, potentially important and no doubt rich. Or well hung, and with a dick that works on command. [Why are erections like Singapore taxis? When you really need one, they're never around... ed.] Why else would they be so confident? They are the most challenging. But maybe their indifference is because they are gay? Maybe they just don't find HER attractive. So in turn the woman tries to see what happens with a subtle Indication Of Interest. She flirts, just a little, maybe flicks her hair back, maybe leans over and bites the front of his trousers and moans. Oops, no, not too much, she doesn't want to be seen as too easy. Yes, it is a complicated scenario.

[Aside: E@L often successfully plays the hard-to-get routine. He sits alone at the bar in Soi Cowboy, dressed like a loser, way past his best conversation hour, ignoring everyone else, looking deeply into his rapidly emptying beer bottle. You'd think this wouldn't work, eh? But funnily enough dozens of gorgeous women keep throwing themselves at him with lines like, "Hello mister, what you name? Where you come fron? First time you come Bangkok? You buy me drin? You wan me be your gir-fren, short-time, long-time?" What could be stronger proof of this horse-whisperer theory?]

However, GITP admitted, it's true that there are some men who have absolutely ZERO resistance: when a pretty (non-hooker) woman shows the slightest interest in them, hey, they turn to jelly. Or more likely, that blood supply meant for their brain is diverted suddenly south and from the more typical state of jelly, something turns more, erm, solid and easy to grasp and guide the man around. Let's go to D&G, Prada, LV...

[E@L thinks of that scene Body Heat where a sweaty naked Kathleen Turner (at that point his favourite actress) leads a sweaty naked William Hurt across the room with a hand grasping his cock... (this would be the non-Singapore version) and... if that scene isn't a metaphor for everything that's wrong with the world... ]

But not all men are prone to such easy manipulation, GITP insists, and if they are not interested they are JUST NOT INTERESTED!

E@L was in an Aussie bar in Little India in Singapore recently, partaking of Dutch beer and this universal conversation. (OK, it's not a verbatim transcript; it's sightly modified from the original for stylistic and rhetorical purposes.)

One of the Blokes-in-the-Pub (© Indy) said that in the right circumstances i.e. most of the time, there are NO men resistant to ANY reasonably attractive woman's advances and suggested that she should test her theory of resistance on E@L . "You can be the aggressor and I'll bet you'll win easily," he said.

"Oh, HE wouldn't be interested in me!" she protested. Not avuncular, non-sex-object E@L!

BITP encouraged GITP to try.

E@L shrugged. "Why do think my email address is what it is [shallowphil-at-gmail-dot-com]?" he offered. "I am hopeless. Vulnerable. Ripe for the plucking. My life is shit..."

She was more skeptical of his professed weaknesses. After all he is mature, seriously intelligent, witty and charming, surely he wouldn't be interested in having sex with a young, gorgeous thing like me... So GITP hopped of her barstool and came around towards E@L's side of the table...

She looked him in the eye, raised an eyebrow EVER so slightly (I am TARGETTING you!) and ran her hand across his knee...

And with a click from the thought "I wonder if this pretence is going to have any effect...?" to a second later when E@L's brain was instantly puddle of oxygen starved jelly, all synaptic activity ceasing mid-concept, his limbic system gone haywire, his eyes glazed over, the sound around him the pub fading into an amorphous background white noise, all the people save the one looking him in the eye blur out of focus and become unimportant, his heart pounds as his chest swells (a vagal nerve manifestation) and his pants become tight and uncomfortable around the zippered areas...

GITP laughed and moved away...

E@L eventually let out a breath and the real world slowly grew back into full colour, like a old TV warming up after having been off a considerable time. "How long was I out?"

BITP guffawed heartily.

"And your point is?..." asked E@L .

Men who believe themselves attractive behave differently with women from those men who believe themselves unattractive, E@L thought. Some news there. But it depends. How can E@L resist the hookers (sometimes) and not GITP's admittedly fake advances?

"It's Ladder Theory, pure and simple. He was interested because you are more attractive and desirable than whoever he was with last..." adds BITP. The hookers, no matter what they look like know that they are better or more interesting than whomever the sad loser in the GoGo bar was with last time. They're a rung or two higher on The Ladder, so the guy is more likely to step up for it.

But as GITP was SO FAR ABOVE E@L's most recent Ladder excursions, so many rungs higher than he could reasonably have expected to climb, his capacity for resistance fell in less than a heartbeat... He was swamped.

A Rough Guide to Ladder Theory

Main Assumption: The Purpose of Life is to go UP the Ladder.

F) The two main things a chick looks for in a guy:
a) Does he have evidence of power and riches, as manifest by expensive clothes, haughty attitude, nice car, good grooming, etc...? Leave your sense of humour at home guys but bring your Porsche key-ring.
b) Is he better (usually in some more power and riches looking way) than the last/current guy I am dating? i.e. Will I go UP the Ladder?

M) The two main things that a guy looks for in a chick:
a) Will she possibly screw me? Does she show any interest in me whatsoever? Can I get a sign of her attention? (Does she even have a heartbeat, can she fog a mirror?)
b) Is she better (usually in some physical way) than the last/current chick in my life? i.e. Will I go UP the Ladder?

It IS complicated. But simple. Like...



Posted by: expat@large on Feb 26, 07 | 4:17 pm | Profile


I remember that night, you were putty in GITP was quite funny, well at least I found your sudden loss of eloquence amusing.

And it really is that simple. Or is it that you and I really are that simple.

But note the correct term is "Sheilas in the Pub" not "Girl" ~grin~

Posted by: Indiana on Feb 26, 07 | 7:25 pm

Ah the ladder theory. However it would seem to me that in Phuklet the ladder is somewhat distorted by the requirment to close the deal-any deal to ensure continued income generation.

Now that said, I am putty in the hands of a GITP............

Posted by: Skippy-san on Feb 27, 07 | 9:28 am

GITP says she always feels like she's the prey in the bar-dating-game-hunt meet-market. (She only chases girls herself... mostly.)

Ehem, its MEAT market not MEET.
N I DO NOT just chase girls!

I din know i had that kinda effect on ya, as i was tipsy at that point. Am gonna try that again when i am darn sober. -grin-

Posted by: T on Feb 27, 07 | 1:53 pm

T: ahem, a MEAT market is where butchers and chefs buy their carnacious produce. The expression MEET-market utilises what those of us with a SOH (sense of humour) call a pun for humorous effect, and refers to where boys MEET girls who can feel like they are a piece of MEAT on a slab being assessed for purchase. The sound is the same but only the iggurant spell it the same.

Trust you elders on this.

I look forard to the challenge. However after your negotiation of the MRT the other week I feel I will have your measure next time.

Skip: the rungs on the Phuket ladder are draped with oh-so willing Fuckettes.

Posted by: expat@large on Feb 27, 07 | 5:27 pm

damn, sure wish i'd kept the article on the psychology of singleness in the air france inflight magazine for all ya'll...vbs

Posted by: savannah on Feb 27, 07 | 9:19 pm

re:"Skip: the rungs on the Phuket ladder are draped with oh-so willing Fuckettes."

That's a good thing. God forbid Asia becomes like the US-with bars just draped in bitter, bitches..............

Posted by: Skippy-san on Feb 27, 07 | 11:17 pm

Ok, i trust you on that Uncle!
Well we just have to wait for you to be in town and i would appear again with the shortest of skirts i own. -wink-

Posted by: T on Feb 28, 07 | 6:04 pm

actually the only think i think of when i'm sniffing out fresh meat is

"will he let me boss him around?"

Posted by: The Ivy on Feb 28, 07 | 9:05 pm

Sav: singleness. "Learning to Love yourself is the gray test love of all" The masturbators theme song.

Skip: too true...

T: let's see you try! (secretly: I hope I fail!)

Ivy: have you met my ex-wife / ex-girlfriends?

Posted by: expat@large on Feb 28, 07 | 10:30 pm


Posted by: savannah on Mar 01, 07 | 12:10 am


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