Bozo Club

E@L is in a bar in the 4FoW and dancing on his crotch is one the hardest bodied, most gorgeous women you could ever hope to meet. She could be a world champion sports player with a tight, hard, tough body like this. She is screwing her groin up against E@L's to the beat of Abba's Spanish Lullaby....

They are up to their fourth flaming Sambucca already...

She is wearing a spandex top and about 4 square inches of denim jeans.

E@L pulls the plug. It is 3 am. He decides to go home... alone....


This is because:

a) he is too tired for sex

b) he is too pissed for sex

c) prostitution exploits these women outrageously

d) he feels sick of the pretence (he does not know this person)

e) he has no Viagra at home

f) life is a sad inexorable fall from grace

g) this girl is so good she should be dancing in Vegas

h) it's all too fucking sad

i) he hates himself for even being here

j) he is an exploitative bastard

k) she is a fucking whore who has had sex with hundreds of men

l) the uber-clean image of Singapore is a total farce

m) life is pulling a cruel joke on him, and on her, and on everybody

n) all of the above

Send your answer to E@L in a self-addressed PGP email. The judges decision is final. No correspodence will be entered into.

Then, fuck off.


[My I *WAS* in a bad mood last night, wasn't I? I blame that last bottle of red, the Mt Unpleasant Shiraz.

Just to update you that I am hungover like shite, and feel like one of those criminals on the CrimeChannel Ads who read the manual but never get it right...

... and that I have a rash and am incredibly itchy over my total body.

Maybe it was someone I ate?

She-et, what a bozo.]


Posted by: expat@large on Feb 03, 07 | 3:05 am | Profile


Hey look on the bright side-you won't have to put up with drunk Navy guys the next time you go to 4FoW. They put the place off limits!

You are a stronger man than I. I would have double bagged and gone for it.

Posted by: Skippy-san on Feb 03, 07 | 11:01 am

You've no idea how much I had drunk last night at Wine Netwrok. Huge amounts. It would have been a total waste of time. Plus I currently have the joy of an all over itchy rash from something...

Posted by: expat@large on Feb 03, 07 | 11:20 am

Not her panties I hope?

Posted by: Skippy-san on Feb 03, 07 | 6:42 pm

No it was before that I started scratching, at the wine bar. Maybe the washing powder in my clothes or similar banality ...

Posted by: expat@large on Feb 03, 07 | 6:50 pm

yes, you were...i thought it was something in the air because it was an international epidemic...a side effect of global warming perhaps?

try an oatmeal bath for the itching:

i am such a wife

Posted by: savannah on Feb 03, 07 | 9:17 pm

I think you conscience is trying to tell you something!

You are finally waking up I think!

We all love you very much, but you need to realise that YOU ARE A SPOILT BRAT!!

You need a Life, a Wife, and you need God!!

Posted by: Sister on Feb 04, 07 | 12:40 am

Sav: 2 cups of oatmeal won't go anywhere near covering my body

Mariah: ah, the spoilt brat who needs God. And the 99% of men in these bars who DO believe in God (or at least don't claim to atheists)... they are NOT spoilt brats? Probably.

p.s. who spoilt me, my family?

Posted by: expat@large on Feb 04, 07 | 11:15 am

My post should have read:

Maybe you need God in your life, and a good wife?

If I'd been sober that's what I would have said, but had been at a party where the punch was laced with tequila and vodka (I don't usually drink spirits).

And, take heart - my husband is a far far more spoilt brat than you! Over-doting mother figures are definitely the culprits.

Posted by: Sister on Feb 04, 07 | 1:35 pm

ah the post tequila post, should have figured as much...

Think the itchiness might be related to some anchovies from Thursday nigth dinner.

Posted by: expat@large on Feb 04, 07 | 8:52 pm

the oatmeal is not used as a salve, it dissolves in your bath and cools your skin, reduces minor skin irritation/swelling as you soak.

Posted by: savannah on Feb 04, 07 | 10:12 pm

And will turn you into a piece of had her grinding on you and you pulled the bail cord...

...ahhh, you are a strong one.

Posted by: Indiana on Feb 05, 07 | 8:19 am

Methinks you totally missed the point Mr Jones. Strong has nothing/not much to do with it.

You know (you've seen) that I usually have the resistance of a bowl porridge to a girl's advances, but in 4FoW the rules do not apply and the whole tacky (physically, your boots stick to the carpet) atmosphere of OT can generate a revulsion in me. Self-disgust, disgust at the world.

BTW I did not "get her" grinding on me, like it was soe specialskill of mine to attract hookes... Mm, no, I'll leave that.... She was desperate for my money I guess and she instigated the whole thing - she leapt of the pole dancing table and onto my lap. Damn I hate it when that happens. She probably was happy enough - she was smiling and laughing (thinking she had caught another fly in her web?) - but wouldn't she have been a lot happier if she making the same money teaching or nursing?

And this is all I could think about, how she was a victim through her history of poverty, I was a victim through having a penis attached to a wallet, that the world is a cruel tormentor... I pitied her, felt angry agains tthe system that was using her (most of the money she made would go to criminals) felt no pity for myself. Pity, anger and sex do not go together well, so I left.

Posted by: expat@large on Feb 05, 07 | 9:34 am

what is this place ya'll are talking about?

*please forgive my american ignorance*

Posted by: savannah on Feb 05, 07 | 11:15 am

a google search for 4FoW produced a punk band from new zealand...

note to self: google forst, then ask if it still isn't clear

(back to blogging and not commenting)

Posted by: savannah on Feb 05, 07 | 11:29 am

4FoW sounds like a pretty sleazy , degrading sort of den of iniquity - would that aptly describe it?

I think it's positive that your soul seems to be helping you see that, and I DID mean it when I said:

"I think your conscience is trying to tell you something! and that you are finally waking up.."

Maybe it's the voice of ...dare I say it...God, or Saint Paul?

Also, you never know... maybe the itching is an inward sign of aversion, a sort of allergic reaction to the 'evil' and exploitative nature of the place?

My advice would be - (whenever tempted to visit this joint again) - HAVE AN OATMEAL BATH INSTEAD!!

Saint Mariah
(who's perfect in every way of course, with no human weaknesses at all...)

Posted by: Sister on Feb 05, 07 | 1:18 pm

A sleazy degrading den of iniquity?

Mm. Pretty much. On a good day.

The itching seems (he deduces brilliantly) to be related to some anchovies I used in a pasta dish the other night... Not known to be allergic before! I used to love anchovies!

Posted by: expat@large on Feb 05, 07 | 2:33 pm

"All his subsequent troubles, and a lot of the art still to be accomplished, flowed from his reluctance to be a complete swine."

Portentious words for the career of E@L...?

TLS: Clive James on Kinglsey Amis.

Posted by: expat@large on Feb 05, 07 | 3:05 pm

I've only been to OT once, I demanded Indy and MM take me there.

It's an interesting place to people watch.

Posted by: VirginPornStar on Feb 05, 07 | 5:52 pm

Yeah, you can watch people implode in a moral crisis...

Posted by: expat@large on Feb 05, 07 | 10:19 pm

thanks for the read re: kinglsey amis and the tls site.

Posted by: savannah on Feb 05, 07 | 11:03 pm


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