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DESIDERATA Go
wrathfully among the poised and chaste, and recall what mindless stimulation
may be had in noise. As far as possible, without surrender, alienate as many
of the timorous little bastards as you can. Prevaricate
at volume with byzantine obfuscation, and listen not to others’ smarmy bilge:
the dull and ignorant; say yo, what’s up with them? Avoid passive-aggressive
personalities as you would the plague; it’s bad enough they are so deadly
boring; they’re also a royal pain in the butt. If
you compare yourself with others, you may become vexed and bitter. Some news
flash there! For always will these bungling fools be lesser persons than
yourself, and nine out of ten times better paid to boot. Enjoy
your achievements, for what that’s bloody worth, and plan to be reassigned
now any day. Keep interested in your career, and don’t neglect to eat more
Humble Pie; it is a real nutritious snack say recent articles in Fortune and
in Time. Exercise
acute paranoia in your business affairs; the world is full of high-strung
corporate psychopaths. But let this not blind you to what fate truly holds in
store: demented zombie fascist ghouls whose vaunted high ideals conceal
bloodthirsty plans for jingoistic genocide. Be
yourself, but do not risk detection. Never tell the motherfuckers what you
really think. Neither be clinical about love, especially not with that
enchanting Sweet16 on AOL, or your ass is grass. Eschew
the questionable counsel of decrepit hosers, nor willingly follow their
drooling downward stagger into the depths of sadly premature senility. Nurture
unhinged hallucinations that everything’s A-OK to shield yourself from
suddenly wising up. Neither be distressed you are imagining things: the
recurring fear that fatigue and loneliness are merely prologue. Beyond a
wholesome discipline, slip fully into voluntary mental bondage. You
are an orphan of the universe, no less than the trees and ozone layer and the
buffalo. You are cattle. You are chattel. You are in the way. Whether
it is clear to you or not, the economy is growing as it doubtless should.
Therefore, say your prayers, whatever you hope to gain by that, and whatever
your deluded aspirations may have deemed, finding you are a certain loser in
the bedlam of life’s little lottery, now kiss your sorry ass goodbye. And
yet for all its rampant spam, its government-sanctioned drug cartels and
tranquilizer-stifled screams, it’s just too beautiful a deal. Double down,
cheer up, dream on; as if you might ever get to cop a slice. Starve to be
happy. “Oh,
I have slipped the surly bonds of earth and danced the skies on
laughter-silvered wings..." John Gillespie Magee, Jr.
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